Did I Say That Out Loud?

Happy Birthday, Bill!

2012-01-30T22:32:00.000-06:00

My husband, Bill turns 58 on Jan 31. When he tells people his age, they almost universally express disbelief. Bill has NEVER looked his age.

Bill has accomplished a lot over this past year. He put together a book compiling and cross referencing Claiborne County marriage records from the 19th century. This was almost 4 years in the making, and sometimes involved crawling under things to get to reference materials at the Claiborne County Courthouse in Port Gibson.

Bill also went to Southaven to help my best friend move back upstairs when her recently widowed mother returned to live with her and needed the first floor. Not just one trip, but two.

Bill also was invaluable in helping with my Daddy during that last 3 months. He helped chauffer Daddy to the hospital in Jackson, sat in waiting rooms with me, and even spent nights with Daddy when he was needed. Bill was the one who went out in the rain the night of December 15th to take sweet stepmom Sara to the hospital when Daddy died.

I am proud of the things Bill has done in his life, but this year, he went above and beyond the call of duty for me, my family, and my friends. And I hope he has a wonderful birthday tomorrow. Hopefully lunch at Roca, a movie, and this gift (being delivered in the morning by neighbor Ross Ables) will make it so.

A New Bag

2012-01-25T08:19:00.004-06:00

Sunday afternoon, I took myself shopping for a new purse. I had nothing against my old purses, but they were simply too small to carry my ever growing portable pharmacy in. I had to have easy acccess to my asthma inhalor, my Epi-Pen, Baby aspirin, eye drops, neosporin, and regular meds as well.

On the other hand, however, I am not supposed to carry a purse that is too heavy due to long standing neck and back problems. I needed to find something lightweight in a medium size. And, as I am far too lazy to regularly change purses, it needed to go with everything I own!

So, after looking through racks of dull, neutral colored purses, I found this one by Lily Bloom. Made out of recycled plastic bottles, it is lightweight and feels like nylon. And it has enough pockets to separate out things that need to be separated, but not so many that I get confused! (Not hard to do these days.) And the price was right. $35.00 on sale. I even had enough left over to buy a new wallet!

There is just something about a new purse that seems like I am making a fresh start.

Fresh starts are good. :)

Goodbye Joe

2012-01-22T22:40:00.002-06:00

I was saddened today to hear of the death of Joe Pa. And even more saddened by the way his career ended. I still think there is much more to the story and that Joe did what he personally thought was right taking into account his generation and the information as it was presented to him. And I say this as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse myself.

I hope history is ultimately kind to Joe. The number of kids he helped over his long and storied career has to carry some weight.

Rest in Peace, Joe.

The Game

2012-01-11T22:03:00.002-06:00

Much has been made of the BCS Championship game that was played Monday night. It was a disaster for the LSU offense, led by a very shaky and apparently nervous quarterback. Some people seem ready to lynch Les Miles and even so-called die hard fans are trashing the team they rooted for up until now.

Yes, as a life long LSU fan, (born during football season 1959 while my Daddy was an engineering student there) I am disappointed in the way this game was played and certainly in the final score. But, I really can't complain.

Why? Because overall, this season was awesome for LSU. They went 13 and 1 and won their 14th conference title. But most importantly, this season of LSU football helped distract my Daddy from the indignities, pain, and suffering caused by the return of his cancer. It gave him something to focus on, enjoy, and take pride in. The last gift I gave him was the SEC championship ball cap I ordered as soon as we clobbered Georgia. Despite the fact that he was very ill by the time it arrived, Daddy smiled when he saw it.

Did we win the big game? No. But LSU gave Daddy a great "last" season. And, this year, that is all that matters.

Gown Day

2012-01-08T22:49:00.000-06:00

The last few weeks have been overwhelming, to say the least. My Daddy's last hospitalization, death, helping take care of his immediate affairs, and the holidays have all taken a major toll on both my physical, spiritual, and mental health.

So today, I skipped church and had a "gown day." This is not something I do lightly, but I just needed some time to nurture myself. I made homemade vegetable-beef soup, watched football, napped, did a frivolous painting exercise, played endless games of Angry Birds, and streamed Star Trek, Voyager from my iPad to my TV.

I needed today.

And I am (at least partially) restored.

Breathe

2012-01-05T07:33:00.001-06:00

The numbness that protected me when my Daddy first passed away is leaving me now. That relatively blissful bubble that allowed me to make funeral preparations, sort through his things, and write coherent (I hope!) thank you notes.

But that numbness has given way to that next stage. The stage anyone who has ever lost a dearly loved one knows all too well. That crushing, "I can't breathe", weight that settles in as the numbness wears off.

So I struggle to remember to take one breath at a time, knowing this stage will, at some merciful point, end. But it must play out in its' own time and in its own way.

And it will.

Good Riddance?

2012-01-01T08:35:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I read post after post on Facebook about how glad people were that 2011 was ending. There were even several somewhat vulgar renditions of the numbers 2011, signifying "good riddance."

Long ago, I found myself occasionally "wishing years away to the cornfield." (Twilight Zone reference), but as I get older, I no longer have the desire to do that. Time is just too darn precious to me now.

Yes, 2011 was a tough year in many respects. My beloved Daddy passed away on December 15. My sweet father in law has been ill. I spent two months of the summer in severe pain from a chest wall inflammation. I have struggled to find my singing voice again as I no longer have many opportunities to sing the solos that keep me practicing. There is no time for me, I am told.

But, as difficult as 2011 was at times, I was also blessed beyond belief. Watching my husband blossom after retiring from a stressful job has been a joy. Having the opportunity to touch children and senior citizens by teaching art classes has been a source of much happiness for me. I got to celebrate my best friend's 50th birthday with a wonderful weekend in a new city. I began stretching my singing wings by beginning to record a Christmas CD that hopefully will be ready for 2012 and have met delightful people in that process. I saw my niece graduate high school and begin her college career. Would I wish any of this away? I don't think so!

So don't be too hard on old 2011. Bad stuff is going to happen. That is life. 2012 may be better. It may be worse. Just take it day by day and try to see the blessings as they come.

And they will.

Smart

2011-12-30T08:35:00.001-06:00

*****Rant Alert*****

Over the past few weeks, I have encountered many "smart" people, both children and adults. Kids with high IQ's who are achieving high grades in school. And adults who are not working, going to school, or doing anything really significant. What happened to these over-acheiving children? They were so smart. I thought they were going to conquer the world. What happened?

The only answer I can come up with is LIFE happened. These kids get plenty of book knowledge in school. But they don't seem to get life skills. Kids don't know how to cope with adversity, because many simply have never had to face it. Mom or Dad make sure that they never face the consequences of their actions. Things are always the "teacher's fault." Many kids don't have a concept of budgeting or saving for things they need. They are afraid to take risks and "just do it." They have never been taught how to fail.

I just want to shake these adults and say "Go to college, live in a ratty dorm, and eat Ramen noodles. You will survive and you will have an education that no one can ever take away from you." I want to say "Take the fast food/retail job. You will learn skills that will serve you well in life. Things like the fact that, in life, you are going to have to take orders from people without your level of intellect." I want to send them to classes to learn life skills if they have not learned them from parents or grandparents. And, if they really don't have a clue where they want to go in life, tell them to join a volunteer organization like "Americorps" that will help them clarify their goals. Or, join the military.

Just DO something.

Together for Christmas

2011-12-25T01:15:00.002-06:00

Today is the 21st anniversary of my mother's death. I remember spending Christmas Day 1990 sitting in the ICU waiting room of the Vicksburg hospital struggling to let go of my Mama. On paper, the date is the 26th, when the doctor got there after midnight to pronounce her dead. But, she was gone Christmas night.

Since then, Christmas has been bittersweet. It was my Mama's favorite holiday and she went all out. After her death, I cut way back on things. Less spending, less cooking, less decorating. Trying to find someone off the "beaten path" to help. Not necessarily bad things. And eventually, as time passed, I began to truly enjoy parts of Christmas again.

But now, with my Daddy dead only 10 days, I am now spending the wee hours of Christmas morning in tears. It is like I am not only grieving his loss, but the loss of my mother again as well. Both gone, right here at Christmas time.

The one thought that brings me comfort at this point that my Mama and Daddy are together for Christmas, once again. And not just together, but in Heaven to boot.

So, I will mourn my losses and hope that time once again heals me enough to enjoy the Celebration of the birth of Jesus once again.

Sorting Through

2011-12-21T23:14:00.003-06:00

One of today's tasks was to meet with the rest of my family to sort through some of my Daddy's things. I will be the first to admit, I am not good at this sort of thing. Even with the person gone, it seems like such an intrusion to go through their drawers, closets, and desks.

As the others picked out things to keep as mementos, I found very little need for this. I am at a point where I am trying to simplify my life and get rid of the "things" that are not really useful or beautiful. I have photos, both displayed and on my electronic devices. My memories are safe in my head (at least for the moment). I did bring home a small coin bank that my Daddy has possessed as a child, simply because I liked it and found it charming.

Twenty one years ago, it was much harder to part with my mother's things. While the rest of my family tossed, I gathered and boxed for going through at a later date. I guess that need for tangible things has diminished as I grow older and realize that the real "mementos" are the gifts my parents gave me growing up. I learned to be resourceful, generous, helpful, and (most of the time) kind from my parents. I learned the value of a dollar and how to work for it early on. I learned the importance of family and being there for each other.

And these mementos are the ones that really count.

Timing

2011-12-17T21:12:00.001-06:00

My Daddy went "home" on Thursday night, December 15th.

In the past, I have never really understood when a deceased person's loved ones said things like "It was a blessing" or "He/She is not suffering anymore." I do now.

Watching my Daddy weaken, become disoriented, and struggle for breath was the hardest thing I have ever had to watch. By the final days of my Daddy's life, I was begging God to take him home.

Now I am the one saying "It was a blessing." Don't get me wrong. I will miss my Daddy terribly. But he is not suffering anymore.

And I am beyond thankful.

Decisions, Decisions

2011-11-30T22:51:00.001-06:00

I will be the first to admit that decision making is not the easiest thing for me. I don't make them lightly or without a fair amount of thought and prayer. The hardest ones are those "lesser of two evils" decisions. Does one take chemo and live 2 years? Or is quality more important than quantity? Does one stay in a dating relationship that is safe, but no longer healthy? If a teen is depressed and suicidal, is a solution that helps keep that child alive OK, even if it is not the ultimate one?

I know these decisions are inevitable. They are part of life. But that does not make them any easier.

The Curse of Libra?

2011-11-27T13:24:00.001-06:00

According to astrology (which I take with a healthy grain of salt, btw!), I am a LIbra, represented by the scales. Librans tend to want things balanced, can see many sides of a story, and like fair play. These characteristics fit me to a "T."

Being able to see more than one side of a story was essential to my work as a counselor. I was not allowed to choose my clients. I saw the people I was assigned. And I had to find a way to connect with them. Yes, even the sex offenders, the thieves, and the abusers.

Don't get me wrong. Some of the crimes I heard about were horrendous. And I DON'T excuse them. But there was almost always more than one side to the story. A mother who was arrested for child neglect was a teen "throwaway" child whose boyfriend would beat her up if she neglected HIS needs for the needs of her child. The thief was a gentle lady who had gotten caught up in gambling and was terrified after the person she owed money to threatened her child. And in some cases, a person's mind simply could not "take in" situations if he or she had been through a similar trauma.

We also tend to filter our reactions to things through our own experiences or where we are in life. I am not a mother, so there are things that don't hit me as hard. However, situations involving elderly people (as I care for my seriously ill father) tug at my heartstrings in a big way.

Nothing is completely black or white with me, and I have to be careful about voicing my to people who are (sometimes mercifully!) able to see the world that way.

I always see shades of gray.

The Dressing

2011-11-24T20:34:00.001-06:00

"The Dressing" has been almost a sacred ritual in my family since I can remember. This is true "Southern" dressing made with cornbread, as opposed to "Yankee" dressing made with "light bread." Most true Southerners shudder at the thought of light bread dressing.

My Mama and Daddy used to make the dressing together at Thanksgiving. Since Mama's death, Daddy has continued to make the dressing, with subtle changes over the years, but it is pretty much the same recipe.

Daddy has been quite ill this Fall and for the first time since I can remember, was not up to "hosting" Thanksgiving this year. I volunteered to make his dressing for him and deliver it this year. This was a huge step, a changing of the guard in the dressing making hierarchy.

Of course, Daddy was unable to let go completely. He called one day to make certain that I knew to use fresh broth instead of canned and to make sure I put in mostly dark meat. He even gave me the specific chicken parts he wanted used. It was to be baked in a 4 inch deep dish. The Pepperidge Farm stuffing mix I used in conjunction with the corn bread had to be the CORNBREAD version of the stuffing mix. Celery and onions could not be chopped in a food processor. They had to be done by hand, with the pieces coming out about the size of my little fingernail. Since he and my stepmom both love sage, the tablespoonful for the dressing was to be "slightly heaping."

By the time I was ready to make the dressing, I was somewhat anxious. What if my dressing did not measure up? Horrors!

I watched my Daddy as he scooped up his first forkful of my dressing, waiting for a response. I did not realize that I was actually holding my breath until he chewed, swallowed...

And pronounced it "perfect."

R&R

2011-11-02T21:22:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow, I will get in my minivan, crank up some music and head to Columbus, Mississippi. There, I will meet up with my long time best friend, Teresa, and we will tour antebellum homes, eat, sit in the hot tub, and sleep as late as we want to for three glorious days and nights.

Teresa has been my friend for so long that most of the time, words need not even be exchanged. We can convey volumes with just a look or a gesture. And we have a tendency to burst into song at the drop of a hat.

Coming off of a summer of illness and crisis for me and loved ones, I need this break desperately. I am letting other family members handle things for a few days. I have to rest and recharge my body, my mind, and my spirit. I can't afford not to.

iPhone 4s

2011-10-25T22:27:00.003-05:00

On Friday, Oct. 14th, I did something I never thought I would do. I drove to the Apple Store in Jackson to get in line for the newest incarnation of the iPhone on the actual day it came out. I skipped the "4" altogether. I can't afford to upgrade every time a new iPhone comes out. But the timing of this was perfect. Two days after my birthday, with birthday money in hand, I decided to go for the 4s.

When I got to the store, the first wave of customers had already come and gone. The store was full, but I was ushered in and quickly set up with a white, 32 gig model. As I exited the store, clutching my new toy, a reporter from "The Clarion Ledger" asked for an interview that would be quoted in the next days business section. How cool was that?

I am actually not one who has to have the latest or most expensive gadget. I saved my money for almost a year and waited until the second iPad came out before I bit. What a difference being able to read on that thing has made in my life! My iMac was another thing that I did not buy until my old PC crashed and burned. A Mac just happened to suit my particular computer needs better than a PC by then. I did not get an iPhone until the 3Gs came out.

So far, I love my 4s! It is much faster than the 3Gs. The battery life is longer. It has more capacity than my former phone so I can load more of my music and my e-books on it. And it has "Siri", that voice activated personal assistant that is getting so much attention. I have to admit, I am loving this feature! Today I was able to find a friend the name of an Italian restaurant in Clinton, create a reminder to pick up my medicine, and find all the United Methodist churches in Warren County. Pretty cool!

Over the past month, life has changed rather drastically. Not just for me, but for several loved ones. I foresee a fair amount of sitting in doctors office waiting rooms and hospitals. Being able to read, listen to music, check my email, Facebook, and text easily makes a huge difference and may just save my sanity. (If I ever had any. That is debatable!)

Thanks again, Apple.

Wireless

2011-10-07T22:00:00.001-05:00

Last week, I purchased an early birthday gift, to me, from me. Sony wireless headphones from newegg.com.

These headphones including shipping were slightly less than $40.00. I can already tell that this is some of the best money I have ever spent. They work quite well, the sound quality is pretty nice for the price, and best of all, I can watch TV and movies freely without worrying about disturbing my husband who is often in bed by 9PM.

Before my headphones, I would try to watch TV in our small home, but always cringed when a noisy commercial came on before I could find the mute button. I love to read, but by evening, my vision is too blurred to do much of that. Depending on vision and hand stiffness, painting is often out by late evening. So, I depend on the "boob tube" to keep me company when I am up till 1 and 2 AM. I can DVR and watch all the stuff my husband is not fond of like "Dancing With the Stars", "Say Yes to the Dress", "Project Runway", and "America's Got Talent." Hey, I need my doses of mindless TV every now and then. And I have to have my periodic Anderson Cooper and Piers Morgan fixes as well.

A new "Coach" store is opening in our outlet mall today. I couldn't care less. Forget fancy purses and shoes. Forget fine jewelry.

For me, it is all about electronics.

Call me "Gadget Girl".

The Age of Cancer

2011-10-03T23:08:00.001-05:00

Over the past couple of weeks, several friends and loved ones of mine have been either diagnosed with cancer or that their cancer has returned. Coincidentally, all of these folks have been over the age of 70. But, they also are people who have, up until now, been active and independent. None of them have any problems with dementia. None of them were down physically, other than with some normal things that happen with age, such as osteoarthritis. Shoot, most of them can run circles around me!

So why, when sharing news and asking for prayers, has age come up as the primary issue? In these days of better health care, increased awareness, and prevention, 80 is really no longer what I personally call "old." My church has several members over the age of 90 who still live independently, drive their cars (safely, I might add!) and take care of their friends and families.

I feel the same way about the cancer diagnoses of my 70+ friends and loved ones as I do when I hear of a loved one 30 years younger being diagnosed. It may be a harder fight, but, depending on the individual, that fight can still be worth it.

And it can be won.

Attack of the Superwomen

2011-09-25T15:50:00.001-05:00

I am not Superwoman. I admit, there was a time when I wanted to be. I was going to be the one who could do it all. And not just do it all, but with style, grace, and ease.

Chronic illness helped knock the desire to be Superwoman out of me. I began to realize how much of my identity was tied up with "doing." It took a while for me to be at peace with just "being". Of course, I still "do." But, I don't have to do things better than anyone else. I don't have to do "more."

This peace has been tested this week. I have been in a situation where I have had to sit back on my little red scooter and watch others "do it all". My relatively small offerings have been minimized and eclipsed. I just have to hope that my efforts have made some differences where it really counts and to not worry about the scope of them.

Can I "not" do it all with style and grace? Stay tuned.

The Verdict

2011-09-18T22:32:00.000-05:00

After being in pain for most of the summer and being poked and prodded for a month, the verdict is costochondritis. This is severe inflammation of the cartilage that connects the ribs to the sternum.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/costochondritis/DS00626

According to my neuromuscular doc, this condition is fairly common in people who have multiple autoimmune diseases. That includes me.

Getting my heart, stomach, and gallbladder checked out were, according to my doc, the appropriate things to do, given my family history and age. But, in the end, it was benign, but painful, inflammation that was the trouble.

I feel like I "lost" my summer, between being in too much pain to function well and being in hospitals and doctor's offices. But, the upside is that, after 2 1/2 months, I am finally feeling human again.

Just in time for Fall.

Frustration

2011-09-13T22:55:00.002-05:00

One of the most frustrating things about being disabled is inability to guarantee someone that I will be completely and totally reliable. When I was healthy, I always took great pride in being dependable. And even sick, if a crisis occurred, I was going to find someone to cover for me or at the very least call (sometimes removing my oxygen mask in an ER, much to the consternation of the medical staff) to let someone know that I would not make an appointment.

I know that people in charge of things have to make sure that things are covered. But I get discouraged when tasks and opportunities are taken from me "just in case." I try very hard to pace myself and do the best I possibly can to make sure I can meet the things I commit to. I may not get things done quite as fast as a "non disabled" person. But, I daresay, I fulfill my obligations better than a lot of healthy people I know!

Believe me. I will be the first person to take myself out of the game if I cannot perform a duty well and in a timely manner.

Don't dwell on my disabilities. Dwell on my abilities.

The "Box"

2011-09-06T23:49:00.000-05:00

A year ago today, I took a gamble and became part of a new gift and consignment shop called "The Cricket Box." Little did I know what a blessing I was in for!

I am now selling enough art to keep myself in supplies, donate to charity, and make a bit of profit. People tell me that looking at my "wall" makes them smile. This is all I could ask for.

Forming relationships with other vendors has also been a wonderful experience. Most of us help each other out whether it is hammering a nail that is *just* out of reach or helping someone create a Facebook page. If a friend or acquaintance is looking for something, we direct them to our fellow vendors at the "Box."

But, by far, the biggest blessing has been getting to know the owners of this amazing operation, Debbie Tate and Judy Wooley. They have not only managed to start a business (yes, in THIS economy!), but they manage their business with grace. And they always have a smile and an encouraging word for us vendors. They make it a pleasant place just to "be."

A year ago, I took a $100.00 gamble on myself.

And won.

A Proper Funeral

2011-09-01T18:25:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I was privileged to attend the funeral service for a longtime family friend, Miss Jean.

It was a very proper service, the likes of which I had not seen in some time. Almost everyone was dressed in "Sunday best" attire which to me is a sign of respect for the church in which the service is held as well as for the deceased.

The choir that Miss Jean had accompanied sang favorite old hymns in voices that quavered a bit at times. Pallbearers marched in wearing dark suits and white gloves. Large white carnations, which would later be placed on the casket, adorned their lapels.

One of Jean's friends stood and shared stories about her. The pastor, a wonderfully upbeat fellow, did his best to make the service a celebration of Jean's life and focused on her "new" pain and struggle-free life with Jesus.

After the service, the pall bearers marched out behind the casket and after it was put in the hearse, stood still and faced the bereaved as they exited the church.

I did not stay for the repast after the service. However, I could tell that there was going to be quite a feast for Jean's friends and family when they returned from the graveside where she was laid to rest beside her husband.

Music, flowers, laughter, tears, and fellowship. I think Miss Jean would have approved.

Rest in peace sweet lady.

Hurricane Party

2011-08-28T17:25:00.000-05:00

As I was watching coverage of Hurricane Irene, this video came on CNN. Rather than submit to the uncertainties of shelter life, these feisty senior citizens chose to ride out the hurricane in their retirement apartment building.

I can't say that I blame them. As they pointed out, some of them had serious medical conditions that would make trying to sleep on cots difficult to impossible. And what about their medical equipment, special diets, etc?

It made me think about what I would do if faced with that choice. I might get down on one of those shelter cots. But it would take several people to get me UP. And if they had to do that every time I had to go to the bathroom, it would be a full time job!

Would I be able to hook up my biPap? I stop breathing at least once every minute and a half to two minutes without it and wake up in a total fog and with a terrible headache.

And would my medicines be safe? I take too many to carry around in my purse all the time. Especially if they were all in bottles. Not to mention epi-pens, inhalers, my nebulizer, my walker and my scooter. I am seriously high maintenance!

I have to admit, I would probably take my cue from those seniors and stay home.

And pray. A lot.

A Grace Moment

2011-08-25T23:44:00.000-05:00

Tonight I had what I call a "grace moment." One of those times when, unexpectedly, a burden is lifted. A dreaded task does not have to be performed. A day does not have to be completely juggled and reconfigured.

I would have performed this task with all of the grace I could muster. But, I was concerned about how my body was going to hold up in the heat that is expected tomorrow. Not knowing how far I might have to walk and what assistive device I would need. Whether the chest pains that leave me slightly lightheaded and short of breath would plague me at an inopportune time. Sometimes, even with my limitations, I am "it."

But now I can go to bed, hopefully to sleep.

And say a prayer of thanksgiving for my "grace moment."

Sapped

2011-08-17T21:36:00.000-05:00

I have been in "extra" pain for almost 7 weeks now. I am in the process of being poked, prodded, and tested to find the source of the unrelenting chest pain. My heart has pretty much been cleared. This is good. But, I am still hurting.

I am no stranger to pain. I have been in varying degrees of discomfort/pain since I fractured my back in a bus crash at age 18 . I also have scoliosis and other back and neck issues. Chiropractic care helps me keep the pain at a manageable level for the most part. I take only an occasional OTC Aleve or Tylenol.

But being at this level of pain is affecting both my energy and my creativity. My mind is so occupied with "keeping going" that I don't seem to have the energy left to be truly creative. And this lack of creativity is wearing on my spirit.

I am sapped.

CAPTCHA

2011-08-15T23:27:00.000-05:00

This is the name of those codes that one must type in so that a site can make sure responses are generated by a real person. For most people, these are not hard to figure out and type in.

But for someone like myself, who deals with bouts of double vision due to the the neuromuscular disease, myasthenia gravis, it can be impossible to read and reproduce these codes. Many of them contain letters that are slightly doubled to begin with. That means I see FOUR of the characters. Even when I greatly increase the size of the text, which I do for almost all webpages, I still can't figure them out. This affects my ability to do things ranging from commenting on a blog post, to making an online purchase.

And yes, I have tried to use the audio version of these CAPTCHA codes. I have yet to be able to understand one of them. That robotic voice is as indecipherable to my ears as the letters are to my eyes!

There has to be a better way.

Really.

Courtesy

2011-08-11T23:23:00.000-05:00

Most of us were brought up to be courteous to friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. But how many of us extend this courtesy to the people who should count the most...our families.

I try very hard to do this. I say please and thank you. I return things I borrow. I take my turn and try to pull my weight as much as I am able. I return phone calls and text messages. I think my family deserves this as much as anyone else. I don't always succeed, but I do try.

Is it too much to ask for that same courtesy in return?

Jobs

2011-08-08T00:23:00.001-05:00

Lately, it seems like every time I turn on the TV, I hear the word "jobs." As in shortage of them. I do not doubt that more jobs are needed.

But, sometimes I have to wonder about the people who are looking for jobs as well. I see people in doctors offices, restaurants, stores, and other businesses who say they are there to fill out a job application or have an interview. One young man came to fill out a job application without even bringing a pen! I loaned him one, but I could tell that he was not prepared to make a good impression. His pants were "sagging" and his shirt was stained. He looked like a nice young man, but I would not hire him. Dress as if the job is already yours.

And then there are the people who say they are trying to find work, but no effort is made to really look. When one is looking for a job, one needs to MAKE that his or her job. It takes time, patience, and persistence. When I was looking for work in college, I went into to stores even if they did not indicate they were hiring. More than once, I was able to persuade these folks to hire me.

And it is true that one is more likely to find a better job when one is already employed. Do something! An elderly friend of mine went for an interview with the highway department. He was told he was not qualified for the position. He replied "How much skill does it take to cut a bush?" This told his prospective employers that he was willing to start at the bottom and work his way up. He got the job.

Is the job you get going to be your dream job? Maybe not. But it can be a foot in the door. And don't be afraid to try something new. Who knows? It might be the start of something big!

Project Runway

2011-07-28T21:59:00.000-05:00

The new season has begun and most of these designers are fabulous!

And yes, I have already picked my favorite. Bert Keeter won the challenge today, but I liked him from what I saw of him on the audition special before the season premiere. He was open and honest about what losing his partner and best friends to AIDS did to him. How he turned to alcohol to deal with his feelings and how he has worked to stay sober.

I was surprised at the pain his story brought up for me. I lost a number of friends to AIDS back in the 90's. Just as painful as the losses were the hateful and judgmental attitudes shown towards my friends, and towards me for supporting them. There were times when I was almost ashamed to call myself a Christian. I couldn't picture Jesus saying the things I heard from people who claimed to follow Him.

But, back to the present. Bert's winning design, made from orange checked boxer shorts and a bedsheet was spectacular. I hope he stays sober, finds love again, and wins Project Runway.

Heart to Heart

2011-07-23T23:03:00.000-05:00

As my Monday afternoon cardiology appointment draws near, I find myself getting a bit anxious. Not panicky, just a bit unsettled.

I don't know which is worse. Being afraid that it *is* my heart, or being embarrassed if it turns out to be a very expensive case of indigestion. I know I will feel better when I know one way or another. I have just been dismissed and ridiculed before concerning my (very real) health issues and the scars remain. And although people mean well when they say "don't worry", "put it in GOD'S hands" (imagine the stentorian tones here), or "it will be all right", it does more harm than good. Sometimes I need to hear "It's OK to be scared."

But, having buried my mother, grandfather, and an aunt all at age 57 of heart disease, I suppose I would rather be safe than sorry.

30 Day Song Challenge (Finally) Continued

2011-07-16T20:05:00.002-05:00

Somewhere on the way to finishing blogging about my 30 day song challenge, I got lost in a sea of the stuff of life. But, finally, I have a breather, so without further ado...

Day 16: A good song that does get a little repetitive: Two out of Three Aint Bad Meatloaf 1977

Day 17: A song from your childhood: "Goin’ to the Chapel The Dixie Cups 1964." I actually had the 45 to this. I was only 5, but I sang this tune constantly. I can still remember all the words.

Day 18: The Greatest Guitar Work you have ever heard: Smooth Santana/Rob Thomas 1999. People may argue this one with me, but this song makes me want to dance! Even with my two left feet. :)

Day 19: An Exceptionally Sad Song "My Immortal" Evanescence 2003. Sad, but beautifully sung by Amy Lee.

Day 20: A song by an artist no longer living: "Fields of Gold" Eva Cassidy 1993/1996. The early death of Eva Cassidy was a tragedy for the world of music. Fortunately, she left us a legacy of wonderful tunes like this cover of Sting's FOG. I first heard this version when Michelle Kwan skated to it, and instantly fell in love.

Day 21: A song with a great bass rhythm: Under Pressure Queen 1981. Queen is and remains one of my favorite all time bands.

Day 22: A song you can deeply relate to: "The World I Know" Collective Soul. 1995. The "Bird" video. Need I say more?

Day 23: A song you can play over and over and not get sick of: "Iris" Goo Goo Dolls 1998. This song was on the "City of Angels" soundtrack. One of my favorite songs and soundtracks ever.

Day 24: A song played at a memorable event in your life: "Colour My World Chicago 1970." My band director sang this at a bandcamp dance. It was my first time to be away from home for an entire week and the first time I was really noticed by BOYS.

Day 25: A song you don’t understand: "Winter" Tori Amos 1992. Yet another song skated to by my all time favorite skater, Michelle Kwan. Tori Amos is somewhat cryptic to say the least, but the song is lovely.

Day 26: The Best Rock Song You’ve Ever Heard: "Livin’ on a Prayer" Bon Jovi 1986. This was a toughie, but I finally had to give a nod to the amazingly gorgeous Jon Bon Jovi.

Day 27: A song that forces you to reminisce: "Hopelessly Devoted to You" Olivia Newton John 1978. 'Grease' came out the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college. It stayed at our little movie house all summer and my boyfriend at the time and I saw it so many times I lost count.

Day 28: A Song that gives you shivers: "Who Wants to Live Forever" Queen 1986. Eerily foreshadowing of the untimely death of Freddie Mercury. This song also reminds me of the many friends I lost to AIDS.

Day 29: A Song that Helps You Live: "With a Little Help from my Friends" Joe Cocker 1967. What would I do without them?

Day 30: My Favorite Song: "Mad World" Adam Lambert 2009. I don't know exactly why this song touches me like it does, but since I heard it performed on American Idol, it has been my favorite "popular" song. Sometimes it really is quite a "mad world." Yet, we prevail.

Betty Ford

2011-07-12T23:52:00.000-05:00

I think the title of my blog sums up her style quite well! I can remember when people did not say the word " cancer" out loud. People would whisper that someone had "c."

And getting treatment for alcoholism, at least in the South, would have been covered up or shrouded in secrecy. I never knew my own grandfather had been in treatment back in the fifties until after my grandmothers death less than ten years ago.

God bless Betty Ford. May she rest in peace.

And thanks for saying it out loud.

Weary

2011-07-01T09:07:00.000-05:00

After two days of more than usual activity, I woke up this morning already weary. But, it is more than the physical tiredness. I am weary to the soul. So many of my friends and family are going through tough times. My nature is such that I "go through" these times with them on both physical and emotional levels. And 99% of the time, I would not have it any other way.

I have a list of people I need to call and check on and things I need to do. But today I am having trouble mustering up the energy to do any of these things. I am so exhausted that a just getting in the shower seems to be a Herculean task.

This is a time when I am going to have to disengage for just a bit, find some ways to refresh and renew my own strength, and get some rest.

I just have to do it.

Sold in Jackson!

2011-06-02T07:19:00.000-05:00

This is "Summer Trees", my first painting to sell at Fondren Art Gallery in Jackson, MS.

I feel like a little kid at Christmas! It is such an affirmation to have my work sold in another city. Admittedly, Jackson is still a small pond to many, but it is an awfully big pond to me. After all, I have only been watercoloring for 2 1/2 years myself.

I am still sort of dazed by what this has all become. My work is in 2 shops. I am invited to be a part of a festival in December where I will show and sell my work. I speak to groups about watercolor and where it has taken me. Best of all, I am privileged to teach 3 watercolor classes at Vicksburg Senior Center and one at Redwood Elementary School.

I just wonder where watercolor is going to take me next?
I can't wait!

30 Day Song Challenge Part 1

2011-05-15T21:54:00.000-05:00

For the month of April, I participated in a 30 day song challenge. It was both fun and thought provoking. For this challenge, I restricted my answers to popular music.

Day 1: Current Favorite Song: "Mad World" as performed by Adam Lambert on American Idol. 1982/2008

Day 2: A Song That Always Calms Me Down: "Vincent" by Don McLean. I also like the Josh Groban cover. 1971

Day 3: A Song I Like That Nobody Else Seems To: "Beautiful Heartache" by Oksana Grigorieva. Her troubles with Mel Gibson aside, she really does have talent. 2009

Day 4: A Song That Uses Weird Noises Well: "The Marvelous Toy" by Peter, Paul, and Mary. 1969

Day 5: A Song You Believe Has Great Lyrics: "Inside Out" by Eve 6. 1998 Who can resist the line "You put my tender heart in a blender?"

Day 6: A Song You Would Like Played At Your Funeral: "Please Don't Bury Me" by John Prine. I say this tongue in cheek, but this is exactly the way I feel. 1973

Day 7: A Song That Gets Your Heart Racing: "The Way" by Fastball. 1998

Day 8: The Song That Changed Your Mind About Music: "One of Us" by Joan Osborn 1995. Actually, this song changed my mind about 90's music and opened me up to Alanis Morrissette, Leah Andreone, and Shawn Colvin.

Day 9: A Song By a Band You Stopped Listening To, But Started Again: "Pink" by Aerosmith. 1998 I had just kind of drifted away from Aerosmith, but this song caught my fancy and brought me back.

Day 10: A Classic Song Everyone Seems To Like But You: "Heart of Gold" by Neil Young. 1971 I just never have liked him.

Day 11: The Best Love Song You Have Ever Heard: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" as performed by David Cook on American Idol. 1969/2008

Day 12: A Song That Ends Too Quickly: "Tequila Sunrise" by The Eagles, 1973.

Day 13: A Song With A Great Drum Rhythm: "Wild Nights" by John Mellencamp, 1971/1994.

Day 14: A Song By Your Favorite Singer: "Little Jeannie" by Elton John, 1980. I don't know that I can pick ONE favorite singer, but Elton John is certainly one of them. And for some reason this song just makes me happy.

Day 15: The Craziest Song You Ever Heard: "Forest Lawn" by John Denver 1970/1975. The first time I heard this song, I howled.

I am going to end this post with Day 15. Things that surprised me to this point about my choices is that most of them are either from the 70's or 90's. Some things have been covered by current artists, but I seem to have an affinity for those periods. I could tell I was considerably older than most people participating in the challenge. But, I don't seem to be totally stuck in the music of my teens, for which I am thankful.

The Flood of 2011

2011-05-08T21:49:00.000-05:00

When I was a teen, there was a song about the Lord telling Noah there was going to be a "floody floody" and to get those animals out of the "muddy, muddy." It was a fun song with hand motions and clapping.

Well, here in Vicksburg, there is going to be a floody, floody for sure. Projected to be one of the worst in our history, this flood is creating headaches for businesses, homeowners, schools, and yes, animals.

The children in this picture, my watercolor students from Redwood Elementary School, have had to evacuate their school due to the rising water. We are praying a hastily built levee will keep the damage to the school building to a minimum.

The local humane society has been called on to house all kinds of animals that they normally don't. Chickens, goats, and cows are now being sheltered there. Not to mention the housepets that owners have not been able to take with them to temporary lodgings.

Businesses that are flooding are having to shut down and employees are out of work. Those that are staying open face increasingly hazardous working conditions. There are some that may not be able to recover.

Many of the people now being flooded were still trying to rebuild after last years tornado. As one of my friends said today about the children from Redwood School, "Many of these babies don't have much on a good day. What are they going to do now?"

But, Vicksburg is a resilient city. They have survived war, pestilence, floods, and tornadoes. The people of this city will work together, help each other out, and we will survive the flood of 2011.

Peace, Perhaps?

2011-04-27T23:21:00.000-05:00

It looks like we are going to have a peaceful night tonight after two nights of storms. I am ready for a nights' sleep in my bed, with my biPap. Sitting up on the couch so I can sleep and breathe at the same time while being constantly awakened by thunder, wind, and lightning gets old fast.

I can't remember having this many severe storms in less than a month, ever. And certainly not having this many, this close to me and the people I care about.

Hoping and praying that tomorrow is a much better day for the many who are trying to put their lives back together after tragic, weather related events.

Goodnight.

Sadness Overload

2011-04-17T23:30:00.000-05:00

These past few days have been a time of what I call "sadness overload." Another church friend passed away last week. This on top of still mourning the loss of my friend, Joyalene.

Then a tornado mowed down Clinton, MS. Six of the people I love most on the planet (including my sister and her family) live in Clinton and there were several anxious hours while I was unable to get confirmation that they were all safe. Thankfully, they are all OK. But much of the city is trashed and there is much cleanup and rebuilding to be done.

Later Friday, a massive apartment fire in Vicksburg made 11 more families homeless. This on top of another fire in a neighboring subdivision last week.

Saturday was a funeral for a young solider from Brandon. The peace and solemnity of this occasion was threatened by the presence of the Westboro Baptist Church. Thousands of citizens showed up in force, bearing American flags to shield the family. Fortunately, the church members got themselves arrested for trespassing before the funeral began and spent their protest time locked up.

And, for the kicker, a family member lost his job.

I guess I feel particularly helpless right now because I am not in a physical or financial position to help much. This frustrates me to no end.

Praying for all affected by the tragedies of the past week.

Hoping this one will be better.

There for You

2011-04-09T09:23:00.000-05:00

Years ago, a group called "The Rembrandts" sang a song (also known as the theme song from "Friends") called "I'll Be There for You." Nice song. Catchy tune.

I am blessed with a lot of friends. Some of them are face to face, everyday friends, some live in other states, and some are friends I have never met anywhere but the internet.

As wonderful as the idea of being able to "be there" for all my friends, all the time is, I realize that this is impossible. Heaven knows, I used to try!

The best I can do now is pray that I can be in the right spot for the right friend at the right moment. I have to trust God to arrange that.

And He will.

Taking Stock

2011-03-31T08:36:00.000-05:00

As April is almost upon us, I decided to go back and take stock of how I was doing with my 2011 "To-do" list. I have not done everything on the list, but I am making progress.

#1 was to eat at The Lady and Sons in Savannah, GA for my friend Teresa's 50th birthday. Since her birthday is not until November, I obviously have not done that yet.

#2 was to make another CD of Christian music. So far, asthma, myasthenia gravis, and reflux have conspired against this. But I am still hopeful of doing that this year!

#3 was to do one or more watercolor demonstrations at "The Cricket Box." I did do this in February and had a great time!

#4 was to find some new recipes utilizing the things I CAN eat. I have created a couple of nice recipes that help bring variety to my limited diet.

#5 was to learn 10 new 7 letter words. I have learned about 4 so far and plan to keep on learning!

#6 was to increase my charitable giving. I am working on increasing my customary 10% to 15% and am succeeding with that most of the time.

So far, I am making progress. One step at a time.

Via Dolorosa

2011-03-28T13:19:00.000-05:00

***Whine Alert***

I have been singing the Via Dolorosa at my church for the past 22 years. It is a special song to me and it means a lot for me to be able to witness once a year to my church family through this song.

Last year, I was not sure if I would be able to sing it. We had a new preacher and it was subject to his approval. Fortunately, he was OK with it, and I sang the song during Lent, as usual.

This year, I still do not know whether I will be able to sing it or not. I asked about it weeks ago, and still have no answer other than we may can "work it in."

I don't know how to feel. Despite some recent vocal problems, I think I still sound OK. I have given up the idea of even asking to sing more than one time a year. I am looking into opportunities to sing other places just so I can keep my voice in shape.

I can't believe God would give me this gift and not want me to use it. Singing is what I do. It is what I have always done. It is a huge part of who I am.

So, I pray for my sore heart to mend and for guidance as to what I need to do to keep this gift in good condition so that I can sing to His glory.

Miz Oakes

2011-03-23T18:35:00.000-05:00

This morning, I received an email informing me of the sudden passing this morning of my friend Joyalene.

I first met Joyalene when I was in handbell choir at church with her teenage son. But, we bonded some time later, after her husband left her, and filed for divorce. At the time, I was opening the church for morning prayer. Joyalene was having a very difficult time, and sometimes we would pray and cry together. She was of an age to be my mother, so I would call her "Miz" Oakes. Then she would mock glare at me and tell me to call her Joyalene. It became a running joke.

Even during life's difficulties, Joyalene was funny. She could crack me up with one look. And when she opened her mouth! Sometimes I would be sore from laughing so hard.

Joyalene loved her friends and family deeply. She was always supportive of me. I think she believed I could do anything.

"Miz Oakes", you will be missed.

Deeply.

Too Close

2011-03-15T20:20:00.001-05:00

On March 4th, two criminals escaped from a Louisiana State Police Compound and began a 10 day, 4 state crime spree that hit way to close to home for me.

After escaping near Baton Rouge, where a lot of my extended family lives, they hitched a ride to Vicksburg. Then they carjacked a visitor to MY city just minutes away from where I live. And ultimately murdered him. I can't begin to express how angry it makes me that a visitor to my hometown could not be safe here.

Then, to top it off, they are caught after crashing yet another stolen vehicle on the grounds of Fed-Ex world headquarters. My friend, Teresa, had left work there just minutes before this occurred.

This has all been pretty jarring on top of other critical world events.

Just too close to home.

iPad2

2011-03-11T06:28:00.000-06:00

I just ordered my last year's birthday, Christmas, anniversary, and Valentine's gifts all rolled into one. The iPad 2.

I have wanted one of these ever since the first model came out. But, I like to wait for the second generation of a new gadget to come out before I purchase. And today, my long saved for iPad became available. And, in 10 days, it will be in my hot little hand!

Giftcards from friends and family purchased the case and paid the tax. Thanks Amy, Bryan, and Granna!

My e-books on my iPhone have given me my reading life back and I am looking forward to reading on my iPad. Large print books are nice, but difficult for me to hold. I will be able to watch movies on it. And I love to be able to look things up while I am watching TV. I may even be able to show watercolor demos to my art classes on it. The possibilities are endless.

So, I will be watching my mailbox like a kid on Christmas morning! Santa is coming.

(((HUGS)))

2011-03-03T07:19:00.000-06:00

The meaning of this is pretty simple. If I were with you in person, I would want to give you a big hug. If your pain was nothing I have personally experienced, I would not want to trivialize your suffering with words. I have no real idea of what you are going through. I have not "been there."

If I have "been there", then I may try to offer words of help. What worked for me may work for you as well. But this still has to be done gently.

I would rather give you a (((HUG))) than risk invalidating your feelings or giving unneeded advice.

So, please take this (((HUG))) from me today if you want or need it.

Toomers Trees

2011-02-21T16:35:00.002-06:00

I am a tree lover. I always have been. I find them beautiful no matter what the season is. I adore the Spring and Fall colors. I love the fullness of the foliage in Summer, and admire the elegant contours of the branches when they are bare in Winter.

I chose my home largely due to the wonderful big trees in the yard. The house could be fixed up, but trees like mine only come around once in a lifetime. When I go on vacation anywhere without many trees, I miss them so much that it is almost a physical ache.

Like most people I have talked to, I am absolutely devastated over the brutal and senseless poisoning of the gorgeous and historic old oaks at Toomers Corner in Auburn, Alabama. That just disturbs me deep in my soul. And what if some fools decide to do "copycat" tree killings? Are any historic trees truly safe right now? Especially if they belong to an SEC school like the ones in "The Grove" at Ole Miss.

I am not going to stop praying that somehow, miraculously, these trees can be saved. And sending my best to my Auburn friends during this time.

Happy Singer

2011-02-20T17:18:00.000-06:00

I was able to sing a couple of hymns in church for the first time since New Years, making it a happy Sunday for me.

I saw both my pulmonologist and my neuromuscular specialist this past week. Basically, the MG and asthma are going to affect my voice to some degree for the rest of my life, primarily in the area of being able to sing for very long at one time. This continues to rule out things like doing concerts at nursing homes and singing in cantatas. Right now, even an entire Sunday morning service singing in the choir is not manageable.

I have to try to focus on what I still can do vocally. I can still sing a solo or two. I hope to make another recording, a bit at a time. I hope to sing the National Anthem for the Mississippi Braves this Spring or Summer. And, now I can "sing" with my paintbrush, which helps tremendously.

But, for today, I am just grateful that I could sing a couple of hymns and sound almost like my old self.

De-Friended

2011-02-13T18:45:00.000-06:00

While browsing around my FaceBook account this weekend, I decided to look up a couple of people whose names had not come up in my feed lately.

Not totally to my surprise, I discovered I had been "de-friended." Even though our real friendship had cooled through circumstances, I was hoping we could at least keep up a distant FB relationship. I had limited my interactions with her on FB to "liking" links and pictures.

But, the de-friending speaks volumes. And I hear it loud and clear.

National Anthem

2011-02-06T23:15:00.001-06:00

Poor Christina Aguilera. For the next few days she is going to be ragged far and wide for forgetting the words to the National Anthem.

I can understand how this can happen. I have sung the National Anthem for everything from Little League to the AA Mississippi Braves. When all those eyes are on YOU, it is possible to get a bit nervous.

I can deal with forgetting the words. However, for someone with Christina's talent, this performance was awful. I lost track of how many times she changed keys. And the only person who has really been able to get away with that degree of showboating is Whitney Houston.

Of course, I am old fashioned. I don't think the "Star Spangled Banner" should be a platform for showboating and grandstanding. I think it should be sung in a manner befitting the flag and our country. Some of the most wonderful compliments I have ever received have been from veterans who come up to me I sing our National Anthem at some occasion with tears in their eyes. They always say "this is the way our National Anthem should be sung.

Christina, next time you are asked to sing the National Anthem, remember who and what you are singing for.

Then I bet you remember the words.

Doctor Dilemma (Dilemna?)

2011-01-17T16:47:00.001-06:00

For the first time, today, I was refused as a patient by a doctor I wanted to see. Am I a difficult patient? No. Am I without insurance? No. Is the doctor not taking new patients? No. Am I expecting services this doctor is not qualified to render? No.

The problem?

Medicare is my primary insurance now that my husband is retired. Although I also have Aetna as a full co-insurance, Medicare is the first in line. For me, this means I cannot see any of the doctors in the clinic of my choice. I also can no longer be seen in the MEA walk in clinics.

This is scary. I have specialists for my myasthenia gravis, my asthma & sleep apnea, stomach problems, and female stuff. My last two internists in Jackson have flown the coop. I just need someone who can treat me for minor illnesses and injuries, do blood work, and occasionally talk to one of my specialists. I was hoping to find that here in Vicksburg. But, Mission Primary Care takes no new Medicare patients.

I may have some choices. I can go to River Region again and deal with a billing system that turns me over to collections before I ever receive a bill. And most of the doctors I want to see are fleeing River Region. What if I find someone and he/she leaves about the time I get settled in?

With proposed cuts in Medicare funding, I can understand where the doctors are coming from. But, it is awfully scary not to be sure I can get medical care.

Like all of us, I am not getting any younger.

To Do List 2011

2011-01-03T19:24:00.001-06:00

I am no longer foolish enough to make "resolutions" that I am sure to break. However, I did want to make a list of things I HOPE to accomplish this year. Something I can refer back to at times to see how I am doing.

1. Go to Savannah, GA and eat at "The Lady and Sons" on Teresa's 50th birthday.

2. Make another CD of Christian music.

3. Attend another "Imagicopter" event to display and sell my art.

4. Do one or more watercolor demonstrations at "The Cricket Box."

5. Find some new recipes utilizing the things I *CAN* eat.

6. Have breakfast or lunch with a friend at LEAST twice a month.

7. Learn 10 new 7 letter words.

8. Increase my charitable giving.

OK, I think that is enough. I will check back on this post in a couple of months to see how I am coming along.

Letting Go

2011-01-02T21:43:00.000-06:00

It seems today as if I have been bombarded by messages about letting go. I suppose many of these are expected at this time of year. But this year, they are really shouting at me.

I need to let go of:

1. False hopes (not real hope, but things that are just not going to happen, and even if they did, would not necessarily be good for me.)

2. Stuff. Like many I have too much of it. I am looking to pare down considerably as my physical condition simply does not allow me to maintain it.

3. People who continually drag me down. I made progress with this over the past year, but more boundaries are needed. I just don't have the energy.

Here's to 2011.

Christmas on Call

2010-12-24T22:17:00.000-06:00

Every year when I sing for Christmas Eve at St. Alban's Episcopal Church, I am reminded of a Christmas several years ago when I was still working at the mental health. I was on call this particular Christmas and, to my dismay, my beeper went off about 30 minutes before the service was to begin.

I called our answering service and was connected to "Jay", one of our clients who was constantly in conflict with his sister. Upset with her about something, Jay proceeded to make threats against his sister. Of course, I had to take these seriously. I tried to get Jay to tell me where he was, so that I could get someone out to check on him and pick him up if necessary.

Jay knew the drill. If someone came out and believed that Jay was a serious danger to his sister at that point, he would spend Christmas in jail or the local psychiatric facility. Instead of telling me where he was, he asked me if I thought he was crazy. His sign off was "Fuck you bitch!" Then, perhaps thinking that greeting was a bit harsh, he added "And Merry Christmas!"

After hanging up, I immediately called the sheriff's office. They were able to pick Jay up, calm him down, and take him safely home.

I have not seen this man in years, but I still crack up when I remember his Christmas greeting. Merry Christmas, Jay. Wherever you are.

Wild Week

2010-12-19T17:47:00.000-06:00

This week was quite a roller coaster of activity and emotions, ranging from the low of being afraid I was going to lose another "mama" right here at Christmastime to the high of our lovely chancel choir cantata this morning.

In between was a great time at a book signing and art exhibition at the local library. Each vendor pledged a certain amount of proceeds to benefit the local Child Abuse Prevention Center. We also had place for attendees to donate on their own. Over $200.00 was raised for this very worthy cause.

Next week will be somewhat busy as I make some last preparations for Christmas and help Dad with Sara when she gets home. But, Lord willing, it should be a calmer and less emotionally intense week.

Did I say that out loud?

ICU and Lipstick

2010-12-15T21:59:00.000-06:00

As I was walking into the hospital yesterday to take my shift sitting with my stepmom, I saw my dad coming out carrying Sara's things. One look at Dad's face told me that the news was not good. Sara's blood pressure was too low and they had moved her into the intensive care unit. Her diastolic (the bottom number) pressure had gone down to 17. The last time I saw a pressure that low was when my mom was dying. My heart just sank.

Three pints of blood, constant monitoring, and some medication juggling later, she seems to be out of the woods. She is still in ICU, but felt well enough this afternoon to ask for her powder and lipstick. I knew she had turned a corner as I dug through her train case and helped her fix up a bit. You know a Southern woman is going to make it when she asks for her lipstick!

Surgery

2010-12-12T20:11:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, my sweet stepmom, Sara, will have surgery to replace her hip. This thing has really been slowing this 80 year old lady down the past few months. It has been frustrating for her, because she is used to going and doing as she pleases.

Hip replacement these days is fairly routine, but there are concerns. She *is* 80. She has some problems with a blood disorder and blood pressure. Her lungs were damaged by hydrochloric acid years ago and effects linger. However, none of this has slowed her down much. Just this hip.

So, tonight I am praying. For personal strength and energy to be able to help my dad and her sons care for her. For my dad to be able to get the rest *he* needs during all this. And for the surgeons and hospital staff to be at their very best.

But, most of all, I am praying for a positive outlook, freedom from fear, smooth surgery, and a swift recovery for Sara.

TSA

2010-12-01T23:49:00.000-06:00

I have been following the recent events surrounding body scans, pat downs, etc. with some interest. Many "average" travelers are now dealing with things that I, as a disabled person, have been putting up with for the past 10 years.

On a trip to a Myasthenia Gravis gathering in Cleveland Ohio, I was being transported through the airport in a wheelchair (this was before I got my scooter). I had my C-Pap with me. I was stopped, pulled out of line, and questioned about my machine. They would not allow me to open the case and show them what it was. They called in a bomb sniffing dog. I missed my flight and had to wait about 6 hours for the next flight. I had to load my luggage on the wheelchair and take it all with me every time I had to use the restroom. I was unable to walk far enough to get a meal or visit the shops. This was pre-iPhone, so it was pretty boring.

Pat downs seem to be pretty much routine for me when I use my scooter in an airport. They make me drive my scooter off to the side, but won't allow me to go back through the scanner. It also takes time for them to examine my scooter and my biPap. Some even make me remove my medic-alert.

I do realize that all this is a necessary evil and not likely to change. But for you "normal" folks...welcome to MY world.

Missing Mama

2010-11-29T00:33:00.000-06:00

This Christmas, my mama will have been gone 20 years. Sometimes it is hard to believe it has been that long. It seems like just yesterday that I spent Christmas in the waiting room outside of the ICU praying that mama could beat the odds just one more time.

Christmas was mama's favorite holiday. We would cook and make goodies for the people who helped keep her going. Precious pharmacists, doctors, friends, and neighbors. Her tree was always beautifully decorated, often with my handmade ornaments. We would sing "O Holy Night" together, my soprano blending perfectly with her wonderful, rich alto.

Some Christmases are more difficult than others. For some reason, this season is already beginning to get to me. I got teary eyed singing some of her favorite carols at Hanging of the Greens. Three friends have lost loved ones in the past two weeks, and their grief brings mine back, even after all these years.

But, I am my mothers' child. I may feel sad at times, but I will get through the holiday with as much joy and grace as I can muster. Goodies will be baked, solos will be sung, and my tree will be exquisitely decorated with the ornaments she gave me.

My memories ensure that mama lives on.

In me.

27 Years

2010-11-26T00:01:00.001-06:00

Twenty seven years. Where does the time go?

Flare-Up

2010-11-22T23:31:00.000-06:00

I have spent the day on the couch after falling twice this morning. My myasthenia is trying to flare up and I don't have time for it. I have tried to pace myself over the past few weeks, but sometimes this is just the way it is.

MG seems to love to pick my busiest times to knock me down. I just don't have time for this right now. Even though I have pared holidays down considerably, I still have things to do.

The things that are weighing on me most right now are the church choir cantata, which wears me out even when I am at my best, and concern over my sweet stepmom's hip replacement surgery timed for the week before Christmas. I want to be well enough to help her and my dad out while she is convalescing.

I have been having my annual "Pre-December" panic the past few days. Now it is time to make a plan, pace myself, and get a grip.

Godiva

2010-11-18T21:44:00.001-06:00

I was introduced to Godiva chocolate years ago my by friend, the late, great Elizabeth Ann Myers. She admired this candy not only for its creamy taste, but admired these candies as "works of art" as well. Ever since, I have treated myself and friends to this luscious treat on special occasions.

On a trip to Office Max today, I began getting a bit lightheaded and realized when I looked at my watch that it was past my lunch time. I looked around to see what they might have in the way of edibles to get me through until I could finish my mission and get a proper lunch. A familiar name caught my eye and I nabbed a small bag of Godiva milk chocolate truffles. I took it over to the Copy Max counter where I was waiting for job to be finished, opened the bag, and savored one of these sweet treats.

I struck up a conversation with the young gentleman in line behind me. I asked him if he had ever had Godiva and he admitted that he had not yet had that pleasure. I offered him a truffle and loved the look of satisfaction that crossed his features. I gave him a second one for good measure.

I asked the nice gentleman waiting on me if he liked chocolate. He had never had Godiva either. I quickly remedied that situation. My next converts were the cashiers who had also never tasted this lovely chocolate.

I left the store with a nearly empty bag. Spreading the "Gospel of Godiva."

It was a beautiful thing.

Christmas Shopping

2010-11-14T21:58:00.000-06:00

I have to admit that I do not do a whole lot of Christmas shopping. My family has pared down quite a bit over the years. But there are a few things that I need to pick up, most of which I cannot get in Vicksburg or online.

So, the little red scooter and I are going to Jackson in the morning to try to get it done. There is no "Black Friday" deal good enough to get me in the stores that day. I do not Christmas shop in December. That is a sure fire way to lose my Christmas spirit!

Voice Update

2010-11-10T21:37:00.000-06:00

Today, I went to my throat doc for another laryngoscope. The good news is that the vocal cords are finally free of irritation. The bad news is that most of my trouble is now caused from the easy muscle fatiguability caused by Myasthenia Gravis. Add to that the crushing general fatigue I often experience that is connected to my autoimmune disorders in general, and I don't have the ability to sing for very long at one time anymore.

Basically, I have to start thinking differently about my singing. A song or two as opposed to a "program." A Sunday anthem with the choir, but maybe not the Christmas cantata. This is a really hard shift in thinking for me. I was always an extremely reliable singer who could pretty much do it all.

The doc also cautioned me to continue to limit phone conversations and to be careful of raising my voice to be heard by elderly friends and family members. This is especially difficult as my father and my husband both have hearing loss. I am going to have to find more effective ways to be heard.

Many thanks to all who have prayed for the restoration of my voice.

Now I just have to use it wisely.

Success!

2010-11-07T22:49:00.000-06:00

The Senior Center Art Show went better than I could have ever imagined! Donations of art works totally exceeded my expectations. Help was plentiful, with two of my young friends coming to help set up. I was able to mostly sit and direct traffic, which worked very well.

Attendance was quite good, considering we were not allowed (by the city) to put an advertisement in our local paper. Word of mouth and posters sufficed. And we made enough money to ensure that art programs continue, even if our budget faces the axe. So far, we have been able to offer these programs completely free of charge so that anyone who wishes to "do art" can participate.

I was totally humbled by the number of my personal friends and family who stopped by. Not all of them bought paintings, but they were interested in seeing what we do. And fourteen of the 18 paintings that I donated sold. And not just to my friends! :)

Senior Center Art and Craft Show

2010-11-03T15:34:00.001-05:00

This painting is not mine, but the work of Connie, one of my talented students at Vicksburg Senior Center. She graciously donated a high quality print of this refreshing scene to the art sale that begins this Friday.

I can't begin to describe my my delight in how this sale has come together. Some of my newest students are already able to paint well enough to offer work for sale. Their efforts and donations will help ensure that the art programs at the Senior Center continue next year.

It has been a joy to see my students take what instruction I am able to give (and I am no professional!), practice, and develop their individual styles. It is fun to help budding artists realize that it is NEVER too late (my oldest student is 78) to learn a new skill. And this show gives them a chance to both show and sell their work.

Local art lovers, come enjoy!

And don't forget those wallets!

3rd Place!

2010-10-23T22:13:00.004-05:00

Tonight I received quite a shock when my friends came up to me at the Vicksburg Art Association Fall Show and told me I had won a ribbon for one of my watercolor paintings.
I am honored for my name to be among those who have won many ribbons at VAA shows. Watercolor is always the category with the most entries and it is very tough to place in.

Adding to my excitement was seeing two of my students from the Vicksburg Senior Center sell their first paintings tonight. I am so proud of them I could just burst! They have only been painting for about a year and to see their work sell at this show is just amazing. I don't know who was more thrilled, them or me!

Next up, the Senior Center Art Show and Sale!

Beauty Shop

2010-10-19T13:07:00.000-05:00

For the first time in his life, my husband had to get his hair cut at a "beauty shop."

The longtime "old man" barbers in town, Monte and Mr. Clark have either retired or will be retiring soon. Long hours on their feet are just no longer possible due to age and health issues. These barbershops were more than just a place to get an "over the ears" cut or a flattop. They were social gathering places where men could get together and talk football, politics, and whatever else was on their minds.

The shop I go to is not a "fussy" beauty shop. There is not a dab of pink anywhere. It is staffed by "down to Earth" ladies who are quick and efficient. It took a bit of persuading, but I finally got my husband to let me make him an appointment.

Turns out, my husband used to skate with the father and aunts of Amber, who cut his hair today. And he went to school with the older brothers of the beautician in the next chair, Rita. It was practically "old home week."

Nothing will ever replace Monte's, but the transition does not seem to be as painful as I feared. And his hair looks terrific!

The Crash

2010-10-17T10:12:00.000-05:00

I have had a lovely birthday week and now I am paying the price for overdoing!

Of course, overdoing is relative. I have gone from the woman who drove 160 mile round trip to and from Monroe, LA for three years to get my Master's in counseling, to the woman who has to come home and sleep half the afternoon after teaching a 2 hour watercolor class.

I have had an activity outside the house every day since last Saturday and now I pay. I have done little but sleep and watch football all weekend.

Ah well, this is my current reality and I deal with it as gracefully as I can. Even if my inner two year old is pouting!

Birthday

2010-10-13T00:25:00.000-05:00

My 51st birthday has been one of the nicest ones I have ever had. It began with a overnight journey with my longtime BFF, Teresa to Greenville, Mississippi to pancakes at Jim's Cafe. While there, we also drove over the new Mississippi River bridge, a quite impressive suspension structure. http://www.greenvillebridge.com/, partook of pasta at a wonderful place called Shermans, and found a KMart. Yes, there are no KMarts anywhere close to me, so finding one is a treat.

My second celebration was with my dear friends Norma and Denny Allman at the FrogHead Grill in Clinton. We shared cinnamon bread pudding and took the scenic route of old Hwy 80 on the way home, reminiscing about car trips on 2 lane roads taken in the "old days."

Today began with my husband bringing me chocolate donuts for breakfast while I read dozens of wonderful birthday greetings on Facebook! Then we went to the Salvation Army Soup and Sandwich fundraiser for lunch. Afterwards, I told my husband that what I really wanted for MY birthday was for HIM to get a new laptop. The tiny AsusEEEPC that he has been using is excruciatingly slow and has many problems. So, after some protesting on his part, off to Jackson we went to Best Buy where we found him an HP laptop.

While I was setting up the new computer, the rescues of the Chilean miners began. A perfect ending to a perfect day!

And there are more celebrations to come!

Corpus Christi

2010-09-27T21:42:00.000-05:00

Wednesday, my husband and I are off to Corpus Christi, Texas to visit his oldest sister and her husband. I have never been to this city or their home and I am both nervous and excited.

Hopefully, I have covered all my bases. I called Southwest to make sure I would have no trouble with my scooter, my BiPap,(bi-level positive airway pressure) or my many medications. After my experience in Cleveland with my BiPap I am gun shy! I missed my flight while bomb sniffing dogs were called to make sure this device that helps me breathe at night was not an explosive device!

So, I am praying for smooth airport experiences and enough energy to be able to enjoy this trip.

Silent Song

2010-09-21T08:20:00.000-05:00

Two months have passed since I have been able to sing. It feels like a vital part of me has been ripped away. There is music I cannot bear to listen to when I am unable to sing along.

I am thankful that I at least have my art to help fulfill my need for self expression. It does help fill the empty place that not being able to sing creates.

Maybe by this time next month, I will once again be able to raise my voice in song.

Off to Four Corners

2010-09-17T22:52:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow morning, my 78 year old Daddy and almost 80 year old Stepmom are getting in their Chevrolet Impala and heading out to the Four Corners. This is where Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, and Arizona all meet.

They have no set itinerary. They are just going to drive as far as they feel like driving until they get there. I admire their spirit of adventure. I tend to be a "planner." I want my motel rooms booked and a route firmly mapped out.

I admit, I am a little nervous as the 'rents go off on this adventure. I have the make and model of the car and the tag number in my cellphone. I made sure they had every number they might possibly need in THEIR cellphone and that Daddy knew how to find said numbers. They do not have a car charger, so I reminded them to plug that phone in and charge it EVERY night, no matter what. They are supposed to call one of the 5 assorted children every night to let us know where they are. And they are supposed to be in a motel by dark every night.

I feel a bit like a nagging parent. I am both nervous and excited for them. As they become more limited by their health issues, I know that the adventures will be fewer and farther between.

So I will be praying for protection and safe travels. And hoping they have the time of their lives.

The Cricket Box

2010-09-16T23:06:00.000-05:00

This week, I was invited to speak to a group of retired teachers about watercolor painting and teaching at the Vicksburg Senior Center. It was a bit intimidating to look out into the faces of some of those who taught me many years ago. I was tickled to have a chance to say "thank you" to some of my old teachers and for them to see that I did "turn out" OK.

While at this gathering, two of the retired teachers came up to me and offered me and my art a place at their new consignment gift shop, "The Cricket Box." I promptly rented a wall space and am now making it my own with my watercolors.

Rent is only $25.00 a month, along with the owners receiving a 10% commission on sales. This seems extremely fair to me. I signed on through December, so I am taking a $100.00 gamble on myself.

I think I am worth it. Time will tell.

Secret Garden

2010-09-12T20:37:00.000-05:00

Bill and I attended a performance of "The Secret Garden" last night. It was a amateur theatre performance, but quite nicely done. Sets were quite imaginative and the mostly young cast did a nice job.

I always loved this Frances Hodgson Burnett story. It struck a chord in me from the time I read it in third grade. I envied Mary having her secret garden to escape to. I longed for such an escape as a child. But, for me, no place felt really "safe."

When my niece was little, she loved this story as well. I remember her causing her father some distress by going around making the declaration "My father hates me!" And, if I recall correctly, she locked her little brother (casting him in the role of Colin) in his room at least once.

This story was first published in 1910. It is now 2010 and the story seems as timeless and popular as ever. The belief in the healing powers of love, the mind, and living things is powerful and never grows old.

Mad!

2010-09-07T10:20:00.000-05:00

OK, I have to rant a bit.

My niece, who just started college, is having oral surgery today to fix displaced teeth and a cracked jawbone. Why? Because of a stupid dorm initiation ritual that had the freshman girls walking through a field, blindfolded.

This is the 21st century! Isn't it time for this kind of stupidity to stop? Now, instead of attending her first day of class, young Julie will be sitting in an oral surgeons chair and will have her mouth wired almost completely shut for the next 6 weeks.

Being the tough kid she is, I know she will deal with this with humor and grace. I just hate that she has to.

Difficult Sunday

2010-09-05T14:10:00.001-05:00

I spent most of this morning in church fighting tears. For the 4th Sunday in a row, I was unable to sing in the choir or join in my beloved hymns. I have not really been able to sing effectively in almost 2 months.

We had a guest singer, Maura McIntosh, who has a lovely alto voice. She is doing what I had hoped to be doing someday, traveling and singing at different churches and gatherings.

Despite vocal rest, my throat is more sore than ever. I am beginning to despair that my voice will never again be truly reliable. What begins as a minor cold can take me out vocally for 2 to 3 months when the inevitable complications set in.

I try to wrap my head around what it would mean to no longer be a musician. This is an identity I have had for most of my life. I cannot ever remember a time when I was not singing, and getting attention for being good at it. It is such an integral part of the way I see myself and the way others see me.

Who am I, if I am not a musician? It looks like I may have to find that out.

10 Things (Good and Bad) I Have Learned This Summer

2010-09-03T13:15:00.000-05:00

1. I can live just fine being online less.

2. "Blame the victim" mentality is alive and well.

3. True friends don't make me fit in a box.

4. Physical challenges have made me more creative.

5. The husband's retirement is not a bad thing, especially since I got HIM a computer.

6. Now that I get "Lifetime" I see what all the fuss about Project Runway is about.

7. I can still connect with old High School friends and we pick up where we left off 33 years ago.

8. I am basically a mellow person, but can and will defend myself if attacked.

9. I am smarter than I think I am.

10. I am blessed beyond belief.

After Katrina

2010-08-29T22:24:00.002-05:00

This photo is of one of the two bridges over the Mississippi River at Vicksburg. I was never so proud of my small city as I was after Katrina.

Our people opened shelters, hearts, homes, and wallets. Local merchants would refuse to take money from evacuees for goods or services. Quite a few of our guests liked Vicksburg so much that they chose to stay and become part of our community.

Although Katrina brought out the worst in some, it brought out the best in many more.

Remembering Katrina

2010-08-29T14:20:00.003-05:00

Although I was 3 1/2 hours inland, the day Katrina hit was one of the scariest days of my life. Big trees fell all around my house, but, miraculously, none of them landed on it.

My sister was the first to get electricity, so we were 14 people, two dogs, and 1 cat all staying in her modest house. We could not get gasoline, fresh food was in short supply, and terrifying stories of people doing harm to each other for supplies were all over the news.

Fortunately, after about a month, my life pretty much returned to normal. My heart goes out to those still waiting.

Mixed Blessing

2010-08-28T13:04:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I decided to take advantage of the improved hand control and vision I experience when I am on a higher dose of prednisone. Using my new Daniel Smith DuoChrome colors, I was able to a paint a "tone on tone" negative piece. The differences in these colors are subtle and harder to see than the brighter colors I normally use.

A scan does not entirely reflect the richness or shine of these colors. They are proving to be a lot of fun to work with. Thanks to sales and free shipping, I can afford to splurge on some new art materials to play with. And the fun is just beginning!

Voice Verdict

2010-08-24T15:04:00.002-05:00

Thankfully, I have no nodes or calluses on my vocal cords. But, my cords and voicebox are extremely inflamed. I will not be able to sing for several weeks. I will have to severely limit my speech as well.

The worst part of this is actually the isolation it causes. As a speech therapist once told me, silence is not the way of our world. Writing notes is cumbersome and awkward and not always feasible. I am going to try to have my watercolor classes, because I can show them what to do without a lot of explaining.

Prayers for healing and the restoration of my voice are appreciated.

This too shall pass.

Off to the Doc

2010-08-24T08:26:00.000-05:00

After a month of coughing and sore throat, I am crying "uncle" and going to my wonderful ENT to get my vocal cords checked out.

I want to sing!

Sermon Notes

2010-08-22T13:28:00.000-05:00

One of the many neat things I have been able to do on my iPhone is take sermon notes. I am not able to write in longhand quickly or legibly enough to do it any more. So, when I saw the "notes" application on my phone, using it for sermon notes seemed a logical thing to do. I have been doing this since last October.

Now, sermon notes are not for everyone. But, for me, they keep me focused and I like being able to go back and recall the things that spoke to me that day in particular.

This morning, I was kindly taken aside and told that some church members are distracted by my use of my iPhone and think that I am texting or surfing in church. Apparently, some of our members do not think it is possible for this 50 year old woman to use her iPhone keyboard quickly and efficiently enough to take sermon notes.

Back when some of us tried to take sermon notes in longhand, we were criticized for writing in church. It is a no-win situation, I suppose. I could try dragging my church into the 21st century, but that is probably futile.

Since I am the person who loads the sermons on to the church website, I guess I can listen again and take my notes at home.

But, it is just not the same.

Asthma, continued...

2010-08-20T23:37:00.000-05:00

I guess I was hoping to be further along after three days of high dose steroids. Breathing is still something of a struggle. I am still coughing. And I am tired.

I have not been able to really sing for almost a month and that is getting me down. It seems like the times I can sing are getting fewer and father between. Is singing really all but over for me at age 50? I know people who could still sing beautifully into their seventies and even eighties. I had always hoped and prayed to be one of them.

This has been a particularly hot and humid summer. Many of my asthmatic friends are complaining of the same difficulties. I am not alone. But, most of them are not singers.

When my hands cooperate, art is helping to fill the void that not being able to sing leaves in my soul.

But my soul needs to sing again.

Soon.

"Zone"-ing

2010-08-18T13:04:00.000-05:00

After 3 weeks of constant, not always effective use of my rescue inhaler, I have finally bitten the bullet and let my pulmonologist increase my prednisone to see if I can get this pesky asthma under control.

Increased prednisone is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it gives me more energy, I have less chronic pain, and I breathe so much more freely. The downside is the feeling of being "hyper", sleep disturbance, and weight gain. And I get pretty cranky when I wean back down to my normal dose. May have to send Bill off camping for a couple of days.

But, since breathing is pretty important, I will take the bad with the good and do the prednisone dance.

Pennie

2010-08-08T22:16:00.000-05:00

When I began a counseling internship at the local mental health agency back in 1998, one of the first people I met was Pennie.

Pennie had not been out of school for long, but she was an excellent counselor. Pretty and vivacious, she helped keep things loose in a job that could have extremely tense moments. I could go in Pennie's office, close the door behind me, and let off some steam. She always knew she could do the same.

We worked together through the breakup of her first marriage, the suicide of one of my friends, my grandmother's death, Pennie's remarriage and the birth of her son.

When Pennie left, things were never quite the same at the mental health. She lives in Texas now, but we have stayed in touch by phone, email, Facebook, and face to face when she comes to Mississippi to visit family. We can still crack each other up with just a word or two.

Last week, Pennie had a mild stroke. It has been determined that this was due to a hole in her heart. She has surgery to repair that in the morning.

So, tonight I am praying for successful surgery, complete recovery, and many more laughs.

Cold

2010-08-08T08:35:00.000-05:00

No, unfortunately, I am not talking about the weather, but a nasty summer cold that has hung on for two weeks now.

Complicating matters, of course, are my friends MG and asthma. And the extreme heat has played its part. I have had a couple of days where even my inhaler has not been very effective in restoring free breathing. That is when I get just a tad bit scared.

So, I have spent the past two days on the couch. I am going to attempt to venture as far as church this morning, which will, no doubt, be followed by an afternoon of rest.

Fall is coming? Right?

Mitch Miller

2010-08-02T19:14:00.001-05:00

I imagine a number of people are remembering Mitch Miller today. And I have a feeling that our memories are going to be almost identical.

I can remember being 4 or 5 and sitting in front of my grandmothers old black and white Zenith TV with the rabbit ears on top. Supper might have been one of those old Swanson TV dinners, served on folding metal TV trays. My personal favorite was the roast beef. That dinner, in itself, was quite a treat at the time.

Then, the entire family would sit down in front of the TV. And we kids would literally be IN FRONT of the TV. I don't ever remember any grownup telling us to move away from the screen. And we ALL sang along with Mitch and followed that ubiquitous bouncing ball. "When You Wore a Tulip" is still one of my favorites.

I have to wonder if ol' Mitch is up in Heaven, leading a chorus of angels, perhaps?

Cabin Fever

2010-07-31T15:50:00.000-05:00

It is almost August in Mississippi and I have a bit of cabin fever. With temperatures hovering close to 100 degrees with high humidity, MG dictates when I can get out and when it is best to stay in my (thankfully!) air conditioned home.

Heat this high is a hazard for anyone who is out in it for any length of time. And certainly miserable for most people just getting in and out of a hot car. With MG, this heat makes it dangerous for me to be out much at all. So far, the DVR, Netflix, Facebook Scrabble, and watercolor painting are keeping me from going any crazier than I already am.

Maybe I should paint a snow scene. That could work.

Carmen

2010-07-28T23:43:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, my niece and I are set to see another filmed MET performance. This time, the opera is "Carmen."

I love this opera for many reasons. It is sung in French, for one thing. I love the way this language flows, especially when sung. I love the fiery passion of Carmen and her lover, Don Jose.

Most of all, I love this opera for the memories it brings back of my mother. She used to tell me about going to New Orleans with her music teacher as a high school student to see Risë Stevens in the title role of the doomed gypsy. This was a highlight of my mother's life. I think she wanted me to know that she had a life before she got married and had us kids.

So, tomorrow I will share my mothers favorite opera with my niece, the grandchild my mother did not live long enough to meet. I like to think that Mama is smiling in Heaven as I share a part of "her" world with the next generation.

Disappearing Background

2010-07-25T22:53:00.000-05:00

When I went to write my blog post this morning, I noticed that my "Cutest Blog on the Block" background was missing. I could not find my background on their current website, nor could I figure out how to put a new one on from the instructions given.

So, I looked around at the Blogger choices and chose this one. It is clean, easy to read, has colors that I like, and reminds me a bit of some of the abstract art I have been doing.

Change can be good.

Sephora Seduction

2010-07-25T10:56:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I found a candy store for grown women. It is called Sephora.

As I walked into this wonderland, I was greeted by a pink haired (seriously!) beauty consultant, who handed me a cute little basket and pointed me in the direction of the "Bare Minerals" products. I selected the product I had come for and added a new moisturizer as well. Then I went looking for a new lipstick.

Not particularly enthralled with the Bare Minerals selection of lip enhancers, I went wandering over to the Laura Mercier aisle. I found a lovely, bronze tinted lip balm that I simply could not resist.

I was able to navigate past the adorable sample-sized products at the checkout counter and get out before I had gone too far over budget. But, it took almost as much willpower as it would have taken to get me out of the Godiva Store.

I know that the economy is in a slump, but this was not evident in the crowded Sephora store. Whatever else they may have to give up, many women are going to do what it takes to look their best. Including me, I admit.

Thank goodness this "candy store" is a two hour round trip from my house! Otherwise this could be extremely hazardous to my wallet.

iPhone Adventure

2010-07-19T17:22:00.003-05:00

Yesterday as I was taking the small elevator down from the third floor of First United Church (the kind that has the grill that has to be closed for the elevator to work) my iPhone fell from my fingers. Between the second and third floors it skittered through the grill and plunged down to what I thought would surely be its demise.

When I bought this iPhone, my first ever, I purchased a case with a screen protector and had an Apple Store employee put it on before I so much as touched my new toy. I truly believe that my case is the reason my phone survived. It is the iSkin Solo FX, a silicon cover with a thicker screen saver that becomes a mirror when the phone is off. It was a bit pricey, but was worth every cent even before yesterday's plunge.

A lovely gentleman from the church fished my phone from the bottom of the elevator shaft for me. Aside from a few small pockmarks on the case, the phone works perfectly (except for the crummy AT&T service in my town right now, but that is another story!). Once again, I can play Scrabble, keep up with my calendar, Facebook, read, listen to music, and manage my Netflix queue while never leaving the comfort of my sofa.

The moral of this story? I will not try to walk and carry my phone at the same time.

Especially in an elevator.

Like Family

2010-07-17T22:34:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I found myself trying to describe to a friend who is "not from around here" how I feel about a number of people who are not "blood kin." These attachments largely come from a combination of having lived (except for going to college less than an hour away) in the same city since 1968 and the kind of person my mother was.

When we moved to Vicksburg in 1968, the first person we met was Miss Juanita, our next door neighbor, who came over and introduced herself with baby Todd on her hip. Since then, our families have been "chosen" family with each other. Juanita and her precious husband, the late "Mr. Don" were the kind of friends who would wake up at 3 AM and rush my mother to the emergency room far quicker than an ambulance could get all the way out to the county. Our families have eaten holiday dinners together, rejoiced at weddings and births, and mourned the deaths of my mom and Mr. Don. These people are family in every way that counts.

Another member of my extended chosen family are my sister's in-laws, whom we have called Granna and Papaw since my sister's children arrived. They have been part of my life since my sister began dating their son when they were both 14. My mom and Granna decided early on that they would have each other's entire families over for holidays. We still spend Christmas at Granna's house and Thanksgiving at the Nelson house. Granna is like a second mother to me and she and Papaw are family in every way that counts.

My friend Teresa is like a sister to me and has been since I met her in college. We have been there for each other through each other's joys and heartaches. Her mother "adopted" me long ago. I call her "mom." Again, she is family in every way that counts.

And because these people are "family", then the people they care about become important to me as well.

Added to my biological family, my extended family makes for a large brood sometimes.

But I would not have it any other way.

La Bohème

2010-07-14T18:58:00.004-05:00

I will never forget the first time I saw Puccini's La Bohème. Someone had managed to get student tickets for my friends and me to see a traveling production at our local city auditorium. Pam, Donna, Becky, and I all dressed in our Sunday best and one of the mothers (can't remember which) drove us. None of us had ever been to an opera and we had no idea what to expect.

By the end of "Che gelida manina", I was totally enchanted. I looked down my row. Donna and Becky seemed to be moderately enjoying Bohème. Pam was asleep and was actually snoring. By the end of the opera, I knew I would be a Puccini fan for life.

Tomorrow I will drive a two hour round trip to a Jackson theater to see filmed MET production of what is still my favorite opera. My 17 year old niece is going with me.

I wonder if she will come away as enchanted as I was all those years ago?

I hope so.

Sunflowers

2010-07-13T08:36:00.003-05:00

Last Friday, I took my long awaited 50% coupon for Michael's and purchased a table easel. Many watercolorists do not use easels, but some do.

I decided to try it.

These days, I pretty much paint without any kind of guiding sketch, so I just decided I wanted to paint sunflowers and dove in. I was surprised to find that I did not try to grip the brush as tightly when I painted on my easel, so my hand did not get as tired or shaky. I also got a much desired "loose" effect that I have been striving for.

Response to this painting has astonished me. People on both my Facebook accounts have commented. And I have had lovely response from my Flickr watercolor group friends. One professional artist made my sunflowers a "favorite" which is quite an honor. Especially as I greatly admire her work.

My new easel is a success and I look forward to creating more paintings on it.

MG Monday

2010-07-12T08:42:00.002-05:00

Looks like today is going to be an "MG" Monday. It is only 8:45 Central Time and I am already short of breath, have one fall under my belt, and sound like Otis Campbell on a bender.

Back to the sofa for me.

Bleh

Answering Machine

2010-07-10T09:45:00.002-05:00

I am about to buy my first answering machine. Bill and I have resisted having one for the past 26 years.

When I was caring for my mother, in the pre-cellphone days, I would let her know where I was going to be so she could call that home or business if she needed me. It worked out.

Once I got my cellphone, I just asked folks to call me on my cell if I did not answer my home phone. I could collect messages from that, if need be.

Yesterday, Bill and I were both away from home all day. And neither of us noticed the blinking light on the Caller ID until this morning. My sweet father-in-law had called. He was in a (thankfully minor!) car accident yesterday. He refuses to carry a cellphone and did not think to call MY cell number. Bill and I did not find out about the accident until this morning.

Since we are the only children in town for my dad and Bill's dad, it looks like we are going to have to get an answering machine and/or call forwarding to my cellphone.

Off to buy some peace of mind.

Breathe Out

2010-07-08T15:40:00.002-05:00

When I got news this morning that my friend's pathology report after lung cancer surgery was good, I think I truly exhaled for the first time in weeks.

While I know there are survival stories out there, I personally do not know ANY long term survivors when it comes to lung cancer. And, ironically, it seems that the non-smokers died more swiftly than the smokers. One of those "life is not fair" things.

But, today, the sun is shining a little brighter, the birds are singing a bit more sweetly, and the "c" word is at bay in the life of my friend. At least for now.

I'll take it.