Bah Humbug?

 

I was messaging with a friend today and she said that she had some "Bah Humbug" going on, but she did not know why. That got me to thinking. 

This person has had a tough year with illnesses and surgeries. She's had a tough few years, actually, which reminded me that our tough things don't go away just because it's holiday time. If anything they can be intensified. 

TV, movies, and social media make the holidays seem magical. Families all get along. There is plenty of money for gifts. Food is abundant. When we continue with our daily struggles, be it in relationships, finances, health or whatever, it seems like we must be doing it wrong. 

I learned many years ago to try to roll with the punches at Christmas time. There are lousy years when you bury your father a week before Christmas, spend the day waiting outside ICU praying for your mama to make it through, or are so tired you just spend the day crying. Then, there are lovely years when your family is together, you found the perfect gifts, and your signature holiday dish turns out just like it is supposed to. You play the hand you are dealt that particular year. 

And if you feel "Bah Humbugish" that's OK too. 

Random Musings for November

 

I can't believe I didn't write anything in October. It was a crazy month, with chemo, having major plumbing work in my house that necessitated staying in a motel for several days, and despite my best efforts, getting a really nasty cold. 

November has flown by. I can't believe the month is nearly over already. I got a bonus week off of chemo, so I was able to attend a small Thanksgiving gathering and enjoy my meal. I was fading after a couple of hours, but it was good to see many of my family members, even for a short while. 

I have much to be thankful for this year, despite the dubious gift of colon cancer. I have both Medicare and Aetna insurance, so the bills, while significant, have not been crippling. I have had more offers of help from family and friends than I could possibly accept. I have a really good oncologist who listens to me and has adjusted my chemo to a tolerable level. I am able to have something akin to a normal life on the weeks between chemo. 

Bill's cancer continues to hold steady with monthly infusions of Opdivo and PET scans every 3 months. We are thankful that he feels good and is able to do the things he wants to do. 

I did find out that we are no longer eligible to donate our bodies to the University of Mississippi Medical Center since we both have metastatic cancers. I guess we will be cremated and scattered over some of our favorite places.

I feel really sorry for folks who are hung up on money and "things." Nothing else matters. I'm kind of partial to things like clean air and water, folks being able to afford healthcare, and affordable housing. How much money does one person really need? 

LSU is going to the SEC Championship game. I was not expecting ANYTHING out of my beloved team this year, but they have really surprised me. It's fun to watch LSU football again. 

Bill and I will be married 39 years on Saturday, November 26th. It seems like I was that nervous young bride just yesterday. It has not always been easy, but it has been worth it. I am just thankful that we are able to support each other during our respective cancer battles! 

Overall, life is good and I am thankful. 

Random Musings for September

September has been a busy month. Lots of doctor appointments and tests. Trying to help figure out music for my church while we are waiting for a permanent person.  A good friend had a birthday, but we have yet to celebrate because she finally got the dreaded 'Rona. 

I am so thankful for friends who have stepped up during my cancer journey. Everything from finding Greek yogurt, to bringing me six packs of Sprite, (which is the only thing that tastes good on chemo weeks), to sending food, which is appreciated, but often can't be eaten due to tummy issues associated with chemo, my surgery, and my food allergies. 

I've had to use the snooze button on my social media a good bit these days. I just don't have the energy for hate and negativity. It always disturbs me that people ,who profess to love Jesus, can be so horrible on social media. Hate just takes up too much energy that I don't have at the moment. I have even had to hide extended family members and that makes me sad. 

Another thing that I just can't wrap my head around is the short sightedness of people. People only look at right now. Gas prices have gone up and down for most of my almost 63 years. The stock market has gone up and down for most of my almost 63 years. That's life. Deal with it. 

Life isn't fair. I'm too tired to worry about people receiving anything they might not "deserve." I try to be happy instead of envious of people's good fortune. 

Ironically, as I was penning this post, a friend posted this on FB. 

https://sojo.net/articles/10-political-things-you-cant-do-while-following-jesus?fbclid=IwAR3IHll9FNT_fHQKfPS8X7xSVtnMmbUyvWTHp2m3LsrDCm6BetGyQvB7gLM

Road Tripvia

 

A few months ago, my husband and I were looking for something on YouTube when we stumbled on a channel that called itself "Road Tripvia." Since we both used to like playing Trivial Pursuit, we decided to check it out. We were promptly hooked and looked forward to our nightly dose of trivia. I guess it never hurts to try to stimulate the old brain cells at our ages. 

When I went into the hospital and ended up staying for 17 days, I began to get a bit stir crazy. My husband and I began making lists of subjects that could be written into trivia quizzes to be submitted to Road Tripvia. It definitely helped pass the time and I was delighted when my first submission "Southern Movie Trivia" was accepted and aired on the channel. During my recovery from surgery, writing a quiz containing songs with either black or blue in the title helped take my mind off waiting for biopsy results. And writing my most recent quiz, "Which William?", helped pass the time while I was getting my first rounds of chemo last week. I am honored that all 3 have been deemed appropriate and enough of a challenge for Road Tripvia. 

Now my only challenge is figuring out what my next Road Tripvia subject will be. 

Cancer

 

On June 29th, 2022, I was diagnosed with an aggressive colon cancer that is also in the liver and 7 of the 11 biopsied lymph nodes. I will admit, my heart stopped at the news. My routine 2019 colonoscopy was fine! I was good for another 5 years...or so I thought.

Cancer can, rarely, occur in the interval between colonoscopies. I apparently was one of the "lucky" ones.

Now I am facing chemo every two weeks for the next 6 months. I have had round one, and while not pleasant, it was tolerable. Eleven more to go.

One of the things I hate most is not being able to really plan for the future. I have heard that every round of chemo is more and more debilitating. I'm not sure how long I will be able to continue leading the music at my church. I will be nearing the end of my chemo right as Advent begins. Will I have anything left to give by then?

I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this. I joke that cancer was not on my 2022 Bingo card. But, I guess it is never on anyone's Bingo card. All I can do is take it one day at time with as much grace as I can muster.

Nurses

 

I have been in the hospital and had more surgeries than I want to count. All but my most recent were pre-Covid. I didn't worry about nursing care then as most of the hospitals I was in were fully staffed. 

This time was different. For the first week of my stay, there were no nurses aides. Those people who take the vitals, change the beds, bring ice, and help you to the restroom were conspicuously absent. 

 Thankfully, I had wonderful nurses. Although stretched thin, these folks really stepped up to the plate and got me through a major surgery. They juggled giving me potassium, calcium, antibiotics, and steroids like champs. All while having to do everything from starting yet another IV to emptying my trash! 

I took the names of all the nurses who tended to me so that I can praise them to the skies on the survey that should be coming in the mail soon. 

If you know a nurse, give him our her a hug today and tell them you appreciate them. They deserve it. 

Gifts

 I recently attended a ladies retreat at Camp Warner-Tully. When I was invited, I admit that I was hesitant. I have had some really bad experiences in group settings. I am OK with groups of family members, but I really prefer to deal with people one on one or in very small groups. However, I took a deep breath, set aside my hesitation and signed up. 

I was relieved to find that we would be seated at tables with only 4-5 people. I was able to form a connection with each person pretty quickly. One lady and I had a dear mutual friend in common. Another is the niece of an extended family member. Another went to church for years with my Daddy. 

The presentations were excellent and I found myself enjoying the day much more than I thought I would. The activities were eye opening. Sharing was encouraged, but not mandatory. 

At the end of the day, candles were lit on a makeshift altar to represent the 7 Spiritual Gifts: Wisdom, Understanding, Counsel, Fortitude, Knowledge, Piety, and Fear of the Lord. We were given candles and asked to go light our candle from the spiritual gift we felt we needed the most. I walked up, fully intending to stop at the "Fortitude" candle. However, I found myself guided to "Fear of the Lord." This gift had been described as the need to realize that God is in control and so we don't need to be. 

Yielding control is NOT an easy thing for me. Events of my childhood tend to make me more of a control freak than I might otherwise have been. I have many friends who are in difficulties right now and I am the type who wants to "fix" things. But, pondering on this gift has made me realize that I just can't fix everything. I need to let go and let God work. Hard to do, but necessary. 

All in all, it was a good experience and I plan to sign up for the next one in October. 

I'm looking forward to it.