Project Runway

The new season has begun and most of these designers are fabulous!

And yes, I have already picked my favorite.  Bert Keeter won the challenge today, but I liked him from what I saw of him on the audition special before the season premiere. He was open and honest about what losing his partner and best friends to AIDS did to him. How he turned to alcohol to deal with his feelings and how he has worked to stay sober.

I was surprised at the pain his story brought up for me. I lost a number of friends to AIDS back in the 90's. Just as painful as the losses were the hateful and judgmental attitudes shown towards my friends, and towards me for supporting them. There were times when I was almost ashamed to call myself a Christian. I couldn't picture Jesus saying the things I heard from people who claimed to follow Him.

But, back to the present. Bert's winning design, made from orange checked boxer shorts and a bedsheet was spectacular. I hope he stays sober, finds love again, and wins Project Runway.

Heart to Heart

As my Monday afternoon cardiology appointment draws near, I find myself getting a bit anxious. Not panicky, just a bit unsettled.

I don't know which is worse. Being afraid that it *is* my heart, or being embarrassed if it turns out to be a very expensive case of indigestion. I know I will feel better when I know one way or another. I have just been dismissed and ridiculed before concerning my (very real) health issues and the scars remain. And although people mean well when they say "don't worry", "put it in GOD'S hands" (imagine the stentorian tones here), or "it will be all right", it does more harm than good. Sometimes I need to hear "It's OK to be scared."

But, having buried my mother, grandfather, and an aunt all at age 57 of heart disease, I suppose I would rather be safe than sorry.

30 Day Song Challenge (Finally) Continued

Somewhere on the way to finishing blogging about my 30 day song challenge, I got lost in a sea of the stuff of life. But, finally, I have a breather, so without further ado...

Day 16: A good song that does get a little repetitive: Two out of Three Aint Bad Meatloaf 1977

Day 17: A song from your childhood: "Goin’ to the Chapel The Dixie Cups 1964." I actually had the 45 to this. I was only 5, but I sang this tune constantly. I can still remember all the words.

Day 18: The Greatest Guitar Work you have ever heard: Smooth Santana/Rob Thomas 1999. People may argue this one with me, but this song makes me want to dance! Even with my two left feet. :)

Day 19: An Exceptionally Sad Song "My Immortal" Evanescence 2003. Sad, but beautifully sung by Amy Lee. 

Day 20: A song by an artist no longer living: "Fields of Gold" Eva Cassidy 1993/1996. The early death of Eva Cassidy was a tragedy for the world of music. Fortunately, she left us a legacy of wonderful tunes like this cover of Sting's FOG. I first heard this version when Michelle Kwan skated to it, and instantly fell in love. 

Day 21: A song with a great bass rhythm: Under Pressure Queen 1981. Queen is and remains one of my favorite all time bands. 

Day 22: A song you can deeply relate to: "The World I Know" Collective Soul. 1995. The "Bird" video. Need I say more?

Day 23: A song you can play over and over and not get sick of: "Iris" Goo Goo Dolls 1998. This song was on the "City of Angels" soundtrack. One of my favorite songs and soundtracks ever. 

Day 24: A song played at a memorable event in your life: "Colour My World Chicago 1970." My band director sang this at a bandcamp dance. It was my first time to be away from home for an entire week and the first time I was really noticed by BOYS. 

Day 25: A song you don’t understand: "Winter" Tori Amos 1992. Yet another song skated to by my all time favorite skater, Michelle Kwan. Tori Amos is somewhat cryptic to say the least, but the song is lovely.

Day 26: The Best Rock Song You’ve Ever Heard: "Livin’ on a Prayer" Bon Jovi 1986. This was a toughie, but I finally had to give a nod to the amazingly gorgeous Jon Bon Jovi. 

Day 27: A song that forces you to reminisce: "Hopelessly Devoted to You" Olivia Newton John 1978. 'Grease' came out the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college. It stayed at our little movie house all summer and my boyfriend at the time and I saw it so many times I lost count. 

Day 28: A Song that gives you shivers: "Who Wants to Live Forever" Queen 1986. Eerily foreshadowing of the untimely death of Freddie Mercury. This song also reminds me of the many friends I lost to AIDS. 

Day 29: A Song that Helps You Live: "With a Little Help from my Friends" Joe Cocker 1967. What would I do without them?

Day 30: My Favorite Song: "Mad World" Adam Lambert 2009. I don't know exactly why this song touches me like it does, but since I heard it performed on American Idol, it has been my favorite "popular" song. Sometimes it really is quite a "mad world." Yet, we prevail. 

Betty Ford

I think the title of my blog sums up her style quite well! I can remember when people did not say the word " cancer" out loud. People would whisper that someone had "c."

And getting treatment for alcoholism, at least in the South, would have been covered up or shrouded in secrecy. I never knew my own grandfather had been in treatment back in the fifties until after my grandmothers death less than ten years ago.

God bless Betty Ford. May she rest in peace.

And thanks for saying it out loud.

Weary

After two days of more than usual activity, I woke up this morning already weary. But, it is more than the physical tiredness. I am weary to the soul. So many of my friends and family are going through tough times. My nature is such that I "go through" these times with them on both physical and emotional levels. And 99% of the time, I would not have it any other way.

I have a list of people I need to call and check on and things I need to do. But today I am having trouble mustering up the energy to do any of these things. I am so exhausted that a just getting in the shower seems to be a Herculean task.

This is a time when I am going to have to disengage for just a bit, find some ways to refresh and renew my own strength, and get some rest.

I just have to do it.