The Call of the Christmas Cookie

 

I can't remember the last time I made Christmas cookies. I used to make gorgeous cookies and enjoyed giving them away, but it just got to be too much for me physically. But today, I decided that I needed some Christmas cookies. 

Fortunately, I had a sugar cookie mix, some cream cheese icing in a can, and I found some Christmas sprinkles in my cabinet. I didn't get fancy. No rolling out of dough or using cookie cutters. I just dropped the dough on the cookie sheet. I opened my can of frosting and put a liberal dollop on top of each cookie. Then I began to try to sprinkle tiny green trees on top of the icing. However, I was unaware that the top  of the little red ball sprinkles (this is one of those containers with several different types of sprinkles) had popped open as well. 

I have already found two of these in my slipper. Several somehow made it several feet to land under the table. Some have rolled under the cabinets. I have a feeling I will be picking up little red balls until my housekeeper comes back in January! 

I have been trying not to eat as many sweets this holiday season. But sometimes, you just have to have a Christmas cookie. 

Unhappy Holidays

 

When I was still working as a counselor, I usually volunteered to take call during the week of Christmas. I had no children and my family all lived close. This freed my co-workers who had children and/or relatives far away to be able to enjoy the holiday without having to worry about staying in town. 

Without fail, every year I received at least one call from someone who was suicidal. Sometimes I would get a call from someone who was homicidal. People who were coping the rest of the year seemed to fall apart at holiday time. Statistically, suicide rates actually tend to rise in the Spring, but I had my share of calls from people with suicidal ideation at holiday time. 

Many of my depressed clients would get more depressed during the Christmas season. Reasons could range from missing a loved one who had passed, missing far-away family, or just feeling extra lonely at this time of year. Real life is seldom like a Hallmark Channel movie. Feeling as if we should  be happy and carefree just puts more pressure on us when we don't feel that way at all. 

This has been a tough year for many. I look at the COVID statistics on the Mississippi Dept. of Health website and see the death toll. These are not just numbers, but beloved mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, and grandparents. Faces that won't be around the table for Christmas dinner. I will admit that I have found myself tearful this Christmas season. My Daddy died 10 years ago on the 15th of December. My mother will be gone 31 years this Christmas night. Some years the anniversary grief does not hit me that much. But, this year has been difficult. 

It's OK not to be OK this holiday season. Cry when you need to, Take care of yourself. Get enough rest and eat good food. Give yourself permission this year to do the things you really want to do and say no to the things that don't feed your soul or that add to your sadness. 

And PLEASE, if you are feeling suicidal and find yourself making a plan, CALL someone! Our local mental health has someone on call 24/7 at 601-831-0357. Or call the national suicide hotline at 1-800-275-8255. Don't be a statistic this Christmas. 

The Christmas Crud

 

I call it the “Christmas Crud.” Despite all my precautions, I get it every year. I stay slightly immune suppressed due to my need for daily steroids, and this does not help matters. It is nothing drastic. Sore throat, congestion, and a slight headache are the main symptoms. 

I have learned from hard experience that it does not pay to push it. Singing is possible, but not comfortable. And, I know if I sing or speak very much at this point, I can risk being without my voice for weeks and even months. I have twice had ulcers on my vocal cords which required months or vocal rest and speech therapy to heal. I just can’t go through that again if I can help it. 

I had to back out of a singing commitment this week. It absolutely kills me not to be able to follow through on something I promise to do. I have been resting my voice this week in hopes that I will be able to follow through on the rest of my planned singing this month. I am thankful that at least, this year, I did not get it on Christmas week. I actually have a chance to get well before the big day. 

Maybe one year I won’t get the Christmas crud.

Here’s hoping. 

My Sleep Apnea Appliance

I have a new night time "best friend." I had used a Bipap machine with a full face mask for 20 years and it had been pretty effective in treating my sleep apnea. However, over the past two years I had been having problems similar to those I experienced before I began treatment all those years ago. I gained weight, craved sweets, was sleepy within 2 hours of getting up, even though I slept enough hours, and was feeling so foggy that I was truly afraid that I might be experiencing some dementia. 

I would take the SD card from my BiPap machine to my pulmonologist and my respiratory therapist. Every time, it showed that my apneas SHOULD be under control. However, my body was saying otherwise. I was willing to try something new. After I was successfully treated for severe facial pain by Dr. Charles Ramsey, I was able to consider an oral appliance that would advance my lower jaw and keep my airway from collapsing at night. 

I "bit the bullet" and decided to be custom fitted for one of these devices by Dr. Ramsey. It did take a few nights to get used to it. There was some jaw pain and a slight headache for a couple of weeks. However, within two weeks I also felt more alert, I was able to focus more effectively, and I was not getting nearly as sleepy in the morning. Two months out, I am 75% improved in the way I think and feel. And, after years of lugging my BiPap around, I have to admit that it is nice not to have to drag the machine with me every time I spend the night away from home. 

If your CPap or BiPap is working for you, I'm not telling you to get rid of it. But, if it is not working for you or if you simply cannot tolerate it, check out a dental sleep medicine specialist. If you are within driving distance of Jackson, I highly recommend Dr. Charles Ramsey. He is a busy guy, but totally worth the wait. 

https://mspainandsleep.com

Spoiled Rotten

 

Americans (including myself) have, for many years, had the luxury of being spoiled rotten. We could get anything we wanted pretty much on demand. Restaurants were expected to get our food out in record time. Grocery shelves were fully stocked. Two day Amazon delivery really meant two days. 

Then came Covid-19. That nasty, deadly, and highly contagious virus that stopped the world in its tracks. Suddenly, many things were in short supply. Even now, some things are in short supply. All it takes is a COVID outbreak in a processing plant. Or that ship waiting to unload because we sent China too many shipping containers at once. Many stores and restaurants are not getting trucks in regularly, because many older truckers with co-morbidities retired rather than risk getting the virus.

Prices go up when supply exceed demand. That's just the way it is. It won't be like this forever.  

I get so tired of reading on Facebook about people being angry about not being able to get that certain brand of whatever. Or having to wait a little longer for food at a restaurant. Or not getting that Amazon delivery in 2 days. Are these things really worth getting furious over? 

And if I read one more time about people being too lazy to work, I may scream. There are some people who don't want to work. I get that. But, many people took advantage of being laid off when things were shut down to go back to school online, train for better jobs, or just look for something that might come closer to paying them an actual living wage. They are not going back to $7.25 an hour or $2.13 tipped minimum wage when there is something better for them out there. I can't blame them a bit! 

I know people who retired rather than put an elderly parent they were caring for at risk. I would have done the same if either of my parents had still been living. My mother had congestive heart failure and my dad had cancer. Would I have risked their lives for $7.25 an hour? No, indeed! 

It's time for Americans to be thankful for what we still have and quit our bitching. 

This too will pass. 

Negative Nellies

 

Don't read the comments. Don't read the comments. I don't know how many times I have told myself not to read the comments under a news article. But, sometimes I am curious to see how people respond to certain news or issues. Invariably, this leaves me shaking my head and feeling relieved that I don't know most of these people in "real life." 

The negativity in most of these responses is overwhelming. Although Vicksburg has things that other towns would be thankful for, such as a hospital that is not hours away from them, they complain. We have locally owned restaurants that beat anything I have had while traveling, and I have eaten in places from Vicksburg to New York in one direction and Vicksburg to Utah in the other, not to mention the Pacific Northwest. Believe me, our schools, although unfairly rated, are better than many and we are blessed to have wonderful teachers who care about kids and go above and beyond the call of duty every day. 

We have many avenues for people looking to get a fresh start in life. River City Rescue Mission helps men get off drugs and Dr. Bob Ford runs another house for men to re-enter the workplace after being incarcerated. Haven House offers women who are in abusive situations a place to go and get away from the abuse and learn that they can make it on their own. Beautiful Deliverance also helps people get off drugs and get back on their feet. We also have a wonderful place called Lifting Lives where families can stay together while working their way out of homelessness. I would have loved to have had a place like this when I was counseling. It is hard to do family counseling when all the participants have had to go to different shelters. I am sure there are more than I have mentioned, but these are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. 

If you really can't find anything good about this city that I have called home since 1968, you are more than free to find someplace where you might be happier. However, in my experience, people who are constantly negative and choose to look on the dark side of everything are probably not going to be happy anywhere. There is always something every one of us can do to make our city a better place. Volunteer at that school. Run for office. Try supporting your local businesses instead of going out of town, if you can find what you need here. Pick up trash on the side of the road, for Heaven's sake. Just quit with the complaining. 

Stop reading the comments and do something. 

It might just make you a happier person. 

When Will It End?

 

Over this past week, I have just been overwhelmed with the deaths and illnesses of extended family and friends from the scourge of this Delta variant. In addition, I have another friend who is in ICU with another illness who is not able to get the level of care that she really needs because the unit is full of COVID cases. 

One of the deaths was my husband's first cousin, Jim. He leaves a wife, two brothers, and a disabled sister who depended on Jim to help manage her affairs. 

The illness of a critically ill friend brings into sharp relief the situation we are currently in in Mississippi. We can get quite sick with other things that are NOT Covid. What happens when we can't get the care we need for something else? It's pretty scary. 

I am still in shock at the death of local attorney, David Sessums yesterday. Although he was a number of years older than me, he attended school with my husband and we had known him for years. He handled the closing on our house when we bought it 35 years ago. I bonded with David on Facebook this past few years. He loved to "stir the pot" with his posts and I enjoyed the "entertainment" of the comments, often posting the popcorn emoji or the "Michael Jackson eating popcorn" meme under these posts. I am really going to miss him. I find comfort in the fact that David really seemed to enjoy life and had the means to enjoy it to the fullest. 

Now, I just need a day where I don't read about the death or serious illness of anyone I care about. Please, talk to YOUR doctor about the vaccine if you are not vaccinated. Wear the mask! I know, I hate them too. I really do, but I wear them. Wash your hands. Keep your distance in public places. If you have other medical issues that make you especially susceptible, (I have known people who have died from the flu!) take extra care right now. This Delta variant is not going to last forever. My friends are precious to me and I don't want to lose another single one. 

Speed Limits

 

A few months ago, our insurance company asked us to install this "drive safe" gadget on our vehicle. If we were decent drivers, we could save money on our car insurance. It sounded good, so we agreed. 

There is an app on my phone that allows me to monitor how I am doing with this thing. It measures cornering, braking, and speed. For the first month, I really tried to watch my speed. Following the speed limits on some streets in Vicksburg can be a real challenge. 

Little did I know how obeying the speed limit would affect my interactions with other drivers. I was passed on curves on two lane roads. I was tailgated. And, on a few occasions, I was flipped off by the impatient drivers behind me. I truly feared for my safety a couple of times, just from actually obeying a posted speed limit!

Cornering was no problem for me. I don't like to take them at a high rate of speed anyway. But, braking! Now that can be an issue. I live on a road with LOTS of squirrels. I am not going to run them over if I can help it. And there are times when I think Vicksburg is one of the most likely places to have people pull out in front of me, forcing me to slam on brakes. My insurance company assures me that there is some level of forgiveness for this, but I'm not sure that there is a level of forgiveness that is required in my town. 

After a few weeks, I decided that it was more dangerous to obey the speed limit than to exceed it a little. I may not save any money, but at least I will be alive to drive! 

Facebook Memes

 

Many Facebook memes drive me crazy. They try to encapsulate complex issues in the space of a few simplistic lines. And don't even get me started on the grammar and spelling!

Several people have posted this one lately, and it makes me want to scream. No, not everything in your life is a reflection of a choice YOU have made!!! 

Try telling that to a paraplegic who was hit by a drunk driver. His condition has nothing to do with a choice he made and everything to do with being at the wrong place when someone who did make the choice to drink and drive hit him. 

And so many of the choices we make are influenced by factors that we are not even consciously aware of. Do we really want to condemn that teenage girl for gaining weight subconsciously hoping on some level that stepdad will stop raping her? What if she gets pregnant and is forced to bear his child? I would not call this tragic occurrence a "reflection of a choice SHE made." And there are a myriad of reasons that this girl may have been afraid to tell anyone what was happening to her. From threats of physical violence, to the fear of being kicked out of the house, to not being believed, "telling" is not always a viable option. 

Sure, we all make choices. Some are good. Some are bad. Some don't really matter much one way or the other. But, sometimes things in our lives are the results of circumstances beyond our control. Honor that, and put this meme to rest for good. 

Bossy Watch

 

I never planned to get an Apple watch. I always thought that they were an extravagance that I simply did not need. I had an inexpensive fitness tracker that counted my steps, told the time, and tracked my sleep. What else could I possibly need on my wrist?

Then, a few weeks ago, I took a hard fall in my kitchen. Like the lady in the TV commercial, I had fallen, and I could not get up! For about half an hour, I lay there, shaken up, but nothing was broken. However, I could not get off the floor. My phone was useless, as it was on the charger in the living room. My husband was going to be home in a couple of hours, but what if he had been off on one of his all day cemetery research trips, or worse, out of town? 

Finally, I was able to sit up and scoot myself into the living room where, after many tries, I was able to pull myself onto the couch. But, I began thinking. What if I had been outside? What if I had broken something and could not call for help? Not long after, a friend of mine fell in her driveway and was able to call for help thanks to her Apple watch. 

So, I got on the C-Spire website and looked for the most affordable Apple Watch they had. Fortunately, they had a promotion going for one of the watches. I was able to put half down and I could pay the rest monthly. This was doable. 

So, I now have something attached to me that I can call for help on. But, little did I know how bossy this thing was going to be. It tells me when to stand up, when to walk around, it even has times when it tells me to BREATHE, for Heaven's sake! It also dings me about an hour before my bedtime with the message "Your bedtime is approaching. You should consider going to bed." 

I could deactivate some of this stuff, but I guess it doesn't hurt to have something nagging at me to do the right thing. 

The peace of mind is worth it. 

Spock the Cat

I was saddened to hear of the passing of Spock the Cat yesterday. I had followed this giant, 27 pound Maine Coon with the preternaturally large ears for a couple of years on Facebook and he never failed to make me smile. 

Spock was a typical cat. What was his, was HIS. And he made certain that his brother, Fluff, knew it. 

I have been pet-less for a number of years due to allergies and health issues. Laughing at the antics of Spock and Fluff helped fill the void. 

RIP, Spock. And thanks for the laughs. 

 

Relief!

 

Update! 3 weeks from the original treatment, I have 95% relief! I got my bite guard today and expect to be at 100% soon. 

I deal with chronic nerve pain in my feet, legs, back, arms, and hands and have for years. Those I can manage with the occasional steroid epidural (I had one today) and a low dose of Flexeril at night. The pain can be severe at times, but is mostly an annoyance.

But, three weeks ago when I began to have severe trigeminal nerve pain in the right side of my face, I was almost incapacitated. I have had a LOT of surgeries and medical procedures, but this pain took the cake. I checked with my dentist to make sure it was not a regular dental problem. (When I had this on the left side, I needed a root canal at the height of the lockdowns when I could not get help for over a month!) Fortunately, a kind specialist in Jackson had a cancellation and got me in last week. 

Dr. Charles Ramsey specializes in oral appliances for sleep apnea and for people who apparently grind their teeth at night (I had no idea) and trigger point therapy. He treats TMJ, facial pain, and migraines as well as sleep apnea. He does not deal in narcotic medications. 

So far, I have experienced a 65% reduction in the pain, even without the bite guard, which is on order and I am SO thankful! I may need one more round of the trigger point therapy to get the level of relief I want, but that is OK. 

Unfortunately, neither Medicare, nor Aetna pays for these treatments. But, like most dentists, they give a discount if you can pay cash, and offer Care Credit. I would hock just about anything I have (except for the hubby) to have less pain. Fortunately, we got a refund on our income taxes that helped cover it. Dr. Ramsey's own story about having to change from a regular dental practice to his current one is inspiring in itself. If you want to check him out, go here. 

https://mspainandsleep.com

Normalizing

 Now that I have had both vaccine doses and have waited the requisite two weeks, I thought I was ready to reenter a more "normal" life. In some ways, I am. I had a lovely lunch with a vaccinated friend last week. I went to my favorite local boutique (Strut Boutique) and bought some new clothes. I imagine that running around town in the oversized T-shirts and pajama pants, that constituted most of my pandemic wardrobe, might not be my best look. I went to the grocery store late morning instead of getting up at 6:30 AM to hit the 7 AM "old people" hour. 

On the other hand, after attending a birthday gathering for my nephew this evening (participants were either vaccinated or had been quarantining in anticipation of the occasion) I realized that my tolerance for groups, even a relatively small gathering of 9, has decreased greatly over the last year. I am unused to the noise level of a half full restaurant. I found trying to converse with that many people, coupled with the noise, a bit exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I am fond of everyone who attended. But, it was overload for this admitted extrovert. 

Another thing I am noticing is that I don't feel ready to resume face to face relationships with some people that I have only "seen" on social media this past year. In the absence of physical proximity and being able to observe body language, etc, postings can come across as terribly intolerant, harsh, and just plain mean. If this is really what is in their hearts, do I really know them anymore? I'm not sure I'm ready to reconnect. 

It is going to take some time to "de-program." I find myself still avoiding aisles in the grocery store that are occupied by others. I still automatically put distance between myself and maskless people in public places. I don't want to go anywhere that is crowded, but I was already like that before COVID-19! 

Is anyone else having some difficulty getting back to normal? Or is it time for a new one? 

Covidaversary

Katrina scarred me forever. Caught coming back from vacation, I was not ready for the effects of this storm all the way to Vicksburg. We did not have the things we needed to weather that storm and it was scary. I did not have enough gas in my car. I did not have adequate food or water stored. I did not have batteries to power things that become invaluable during a prolonged power outage. 

Once things were back to normal, in Vicksburg at least, I vowed never to be caught like that again. We had gas logs installed for an alternate source of heat. I began to store jugs of water. I keep the pantry stocked with things that can be eaten cold. There are always extra loaves of bread in my freezer. I have a small power station to charge the gadgets or run a small fan. I keep at least half a tank of gas in my car.  And, yes, I always have extra toilet paper! 

Little did I know that all my preparations were going to be put to the test in March of 2020!

Like many, before I knew how this virus was transmitted, I was afraid to venture out to the grocery. I used "Instacart" for the first time. The shopper was only able to find about 1/4 of the things I wanted. She sent me pictures of the empty shelves and I was shocked. Thankfully, most of those things were "wants" and not absolute necessities. 

Once it was determined that the virus was airborne and that there were steps to potentially minimize the spread, I began going to Corner Market and CVS during "old people" hours. Carefully I got what I needed for a week so that I would not have to return until the next "senior" day. As someone considerably younger than my 90+ year old friends, I also became the self designated shopper for them. The sweet ladies at CVS would let me get two packages of toilet tissue so that I could divide it up between my friends who did not need to be out and/or who no longer drove. 

The quarantines were also not as bad for my husband and myself as they were for many. We are retired with a regular income. We are also used to spending a good bit of time at home and have hobbies and interests that keep us occupied. I discovered that I really do like to cook. I began making cards for my friends in nursing homes that I was no longer allowed to visit. Bill and I began watching old TV series that we had missed by either being too young or too busy at the time to watch them. What's my Line? and Perry Mason quickly became favorites. I can't imagine how difficult this would have been had we been younger and more active. 

The hardest part was losing friends. One of the first casualties was a dear friend and I miss her to this day. While some sneered at the death rate, to me, too many of those souls were people I knew and cared about. Others are still having issues months after having the virus and some will never be the same again. 

Hindsight is 20/20. There are things that could have been done differently. But, when dealing with a novel virus, people had to do the best they could with the information they had at the time. As knowledge improved, so did ways to deal with COVID-19, including the unprecedented miracle of a safe and effective vaccine. Contrary to some beliefs, it was not rushed. The groundwork has been ongoing for almost a decade. COVID-19 just put the theories into practice. 

There are some things that I hope will remain in place after COVID-19 is a bad memory. Extra cleanliness in public places has been lovely. Seeing people wash hands for 20 seconds while singing "Happy Birthday" under their breaths is reassuring. I use the chorus of a song by the Chainsmokers called "Closer" myself. I plan to wear a mask if I have to go to the pharmacy when I am sick and possibly contagious, and hopefully it won't be considered weird. I don't like crowds or a lot of people too close to me on a good day, so I hope some of the distancing becomes "habit" to some extent. 

Happy Covidaversary. 

A Pocketful of Nickels

 

I was introduced to this poem while I was misdiagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis for 10 years. It took 3 doctors and many years to get my current diagnosis of a form of congenital myopathy. The symptoms are extremely similar to MG, down to my droopy right eye, inability to build much strength or endurance, and most annoying of all, the fatigue. Unfortunately, there is nothing that can help any of my symptoms. I have to pace myself and manage them as best I can. 

This poem is so spot on for me and I am sure many of my friends. By the time I shower and dress, I have to rest before I can do anything else. Cooking a big lunch puts me in my chair for the afternoon. A simple trip to Jackson tires me out the next day. I really have to weigh just what activities are worth my "nickels" and whether or not I can spend them in certain ways. Pushing too hard can land me in the hospital and right now, I certainly do not want to be there! 

Congenital myopathy is another one of those "invisible diseases." Other than my weight, I look healthy. So many of us with illnesses that make us so tired look great to people who don't know what we deal with. 

I'm not really complaining here. While I miss having energy and being able to do more for myself and other people, I am thankful for what I still have. But, I would sure love to have a few more nickels! 

On a good morning, we awake with a dollars worth of invisible nickels in our pocket, or perhaps we find them after our first dose of Mestinon.

We must decide how to spend this precious supply.

Shall we shower, dress, make the bed, have breakfast, go to a job,

and recklessly spend them all at once?
Perhaps, we should just use twenty-five cents,
and dress without the shower or shave, leave the bed for later,
and spend five to fifteen cents for breakfast.
We alone may judge from our recent experience.

 Having decided, we act, and our precious deposits is made into an
invisible slot, filled with invisible batteries.
These batteries kick in slowly and we drain their reserve.
When it is close to gone, we force ourselves to rest.
As the day progresses, we decided to do a small chore.
The shave, shower, shampoo? Five more nickels perhaps?
The bed? One nickel perhaps. Cleaning house? Going to work?

 How many nickels will we have to spend today?
For many of us, we can barely afford one nickel at a time, today.
If we have the luxury of time for a rest period or a nap,
We might awaken with a sudden new supply of nickels in our pocket.
Probably our next dose of Mestinon will provide us with a
fresh supply. For others, we may find we’ve chosen unwisely
and squandered our day’s wealth,
Or borrowed from them tomorrow, to do what had to be done,
or simply what we wanted to do to improve our quality of life.

The debt must be repaid, and time in bed will be the price.
We can gamble them all away, or spend them gratefully.
When we awake, morning after morning, with pockets full of nickels,
Such an abundance that we no longer have to count them
We have achieved Myasthenia Gravis remission
May you all have “pocket full of nickels”

Beverly Nason