Birthday

My father-in-law will turn 80 on Saturday. For this milestone, all 5 of his children and most of his grandchildren are meeting in Nashville, TN for the weekend. I love Nashville. It is one of my favorite places to go.

Most of me is looking forward to this trip. But part of me is still tired from a combination of not feeling well with my sore throat and trying to catch up on my sleep after dealing with a broken bi-pap. I could deal with unplugging the phone and pretending to be gone. I want some time home alone to paint, watch what I want to watch on TV, and just sleep.

But this weekend is for my precious father-in-law. And I will do what makes him happy, no matter what.

As for my wishes?

Maybe next weekend.

BiPap

For the past 10 years, my constant companion at night has been a bipap machine. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, either ceasing to breathe or breathing too shallowly approximately 30 times an hour. Before I was diagnosed, I had never heard of sleep apnea. I was constantly having to pull over because I was nodding off in the car. I had constant headaches. I could not think clearly. I snored like a buzz saw. It is a wonder my poor husband ever got any sleep.

It took months and the help of fellow posters on sleepnet.com for me to get the components together to allow me to sleep properly. When I did, it was like a miracle. I could drive without getting dangerously sleepy. I could put my thoughts together. And the white noise my machine makes at night sure beat the heck out of my snoring!

About a week or so ago, my machine started acting strange. It will run smoothly for hours, but then stop abruptly. Sometimes it will start up again. Sometimes it won't. I have begun to have sleep and oxygen deprivation symptoms again.

Tomorrow I am taking my bipap back to my supplier to see if it can be fixed. No matter what it takes to get me hooked up again, I will do. I can't live like this again.

Breathing. I like breathing. Day and night.

Amy

Tonight, my niece Amy, will be inducted into the National Honor Society. As her aunt, I am justly proud of her and her accomplishment.

This kid had a rocky start to life. Diagnosed at birth with Strep B and pneumonia, she spent her first 9 days in the NICU. It was heartbreaking to see the little thing under oxygen with tubes and wires everywhere. She was in the part of the unit reserved for the sickest babies. Thank God, she was a fighter and made it through those first terrifying days.

Since then, she has battled some lingering complications of her early illness. They get her down at times, but Amy is never down for too long.

As proud as I am of what she has done, I am prouder still of who she IS. This is a young lady who can light up any room she enters. She sings and she dances. She thinks of others and loves to help people. She is wonderful with children. She is a loyal friend. She loves her God and her church. The "Amys" of the world help me see the future with much more hope than the gloom and doom reports I hear on the news.

Amy, you are a blessing.

KK :)

Not Mine

Today, a friend who is has been in a local nursing home rehabbing from a car wreck called me. She was frantic. Scheduled to go home today via nursing home van, the powers that be were trying to renege on the arrangement. Her only surviving child lives in New Orleans and her friends are in no condition to pack up all her belongings to move her home. Including me.

I did not volunteer. I offered to try to think of someone who could do this for her, but I just refused to make her crisis, MY crisis. I set a firm boundary. I figured that if the nursing home was not being paid to keep her any longer, they would find a way to get her home.

Sure enough, they did.

Money (or lack thereof) talks.

Miss Edith

Today I sang for the funeral of yet another of my "little old lady" friends. "Miss Edith" was a long time family friend. She had twinkling eyes and a lot of spunk. You always knew where you stood with Miss Edith. Even after she was largely silenced by a stroke, she could still give one of her famous LOOKS.

Back when my mama was alive, Miss Edith would call her on the phone, sometimes daily. Mama loved to talk and the phone was her lifeline on days when she was too sick, weak, or in too much pain to leave the house. However, sometimes Miss Edith would get to going and Mama just could not get off the phone with her. Miss Edith was not much for subtle hints.

So Mama and I developed a system. If I came in and she was on the phone with Miss Edith, Mama would mouth "Rescue me!" That was my signal to ring the doorbell and get Mama's little Pomeranian dog to start barking. Mama could honestly say there was someone at the door and this would get her off the hook with Miss Edith.

I am sure Mama was up there to welcome Miss Edith to Heaven.

The thought makes me smile.

Sorry

Sorry!

How many times do we hear this word? There are times when we are thankful to say it and thankful to hear it. Times when we truly did not have any intention of offending or being offended.

But sometimes "sorry" is not good enough. We get weary of a person continually excusing less than acceptable behavior with "Sorry!"

At some point, we have to stop doing the things that make us feel the need to apologize! If I am in a bad mood for whatever reason, doesn't it make more sense to take myself out of situations where I will get my feelings hurt or hurt those of others? I know what most of my triggers are. I know (or at least am learning!) what the triggers of most of my loved ones and friends are. I should be able to conduct myself in most situations where I will not have to continually apologize for my behavior.

So in this spirit, I am going to end this short rant.

With no apology!