The Dads

It is hard to believe that it was only a month ago that we laid my father-in-law to rest. Even harder to believe that my Daddy has been gone for over a year now. 

Daddy and Mr. Sanders had the same March 28th birthday. Often this was celebrated on the nearest Saturday with a cookout at Daddy's Thompson Lake place. It was usually a bit chilly. but that never really mattered. 

I used to joke that, between them, they had the "Old Man" look covered. Khakis, Members Only jackets, slip on deck shoes or sneakers that closed with velcro, plaid shirts, and Daddy with his fishing hat. The uniform of at least 80% of men their age here in the South. 

Since I have been trying to eat less, I am beginning to realize how much I depended on food (especially late night snacking) to ease the pain of losing my two Dads. I did not really have time to mourn the loss of my Dad when Mr. Sanders became ill. Now, I seem to be experiencing the grief of both losses at once. 

I refuse to continue assuaging my sadness with food. I am just going to have to feel it. I don't like feeling it. Nobody does. 

I used to tell my patients that there were no real shortcuts through grief. Sooner or later, grief is going to surface. It may be days or it may be years later. But it will have to be faced, felt, and dealt with. 

And that time is now.