"Become"

Back when I was first diagnosed with neuromuscular disease, asthma, and obstructive sleep apnea, I joined a number of online message boards in hopes that I would learn more about my illnesses and how to deal with them. 

I soon left the asthma board. There was not much activity and I was getting the education I needed from the staff at my doctor's office. Once I had a daily medication and a nebulizer, I had no real problems managing my asthma at home. 

I spent a couple of years on sleepnet.com, a message board for sleep disorders. That experience was priceless. I was finally able to get my C-Pap and mask setup right and having my apnea controlled was a major life changer. For the most part, the people on this board were positive, upbeat, and were determined to manage their condition as best they could and just keep on living.

The myasthenia gravis boards were a whole different story. They were very active and I did learn a lot. There were a number of people who were able to manage their illnesses, accept the things they could not change, and still have quality lives. Unfortunately, there were quite a few who "became" their illness. Their whole identities centered on being sick. They had no other interests or hobbies other than making trouble on the boards for other members, using their disability to manipulate friends and family, and bemoaning their fate. Don't get me wrong, neuromuscular diseases are not easy to manage. But, centering their lives completely on illness did not make them feel any better in the long term. Not mentally, physically, spiritually, or emotionally. 

Don't get me wrong. I have the periodic "pity party." Add reflux, chronic neck and back pain, arthritis, menopause, life threatening allergies, and post herpetic neuralgia to the above list and there are times when it is hard to stay "up." And I can certainly understand that it can be hard not to get so caught up in the routine of doctors, surgeries, and medications that everything else can get lost in the shuffle. At one time, I had 11 doctors. I am now down to "only" 7. 

I am a singer. I am an artist. I am a writer. I am a friend, a sister, and a wife. 

I refuse to "become" my illnesses.