Fear

I used to be a fearful person. I was far too afraid of what others thought of me. I was afraid of trying new things. I was afraid to express my feelings. It was not a good place to be. 

Therapy and my faith helped me learn to deal with my fears. Some fear is normal and healthy. But, as I talk to people, read things on social media, and occasionally listen to the news, it seems that fear is taking over. 


Maybe I am just a "Cockeyed Optimist" as portrayed by Nellie Forbush in South Pacific. I have made a decision to do my best to take life one day at a time and to live it as fearlessly as possible. 

Don't get me wrong. I have money saved for a rainy day. I have emergency supplies that would get me through about a month. I am not going to deliberately put myself in harm's way. But, at my age and stage, I simply am not going to spend what time I have left in constant worry. And, if the worst should occur, I don't particularly want to be here if my family and friends are gone.

Since I was a small child, danger has loomed. I can remember tests of the Emergency Broadcast System that would scare me to death. I remember being scared of "The Russians" and the thought of war with them. My grandmother spent countless hours canning rice and beans back in the 1970's for the hard times that were certainly coming. 

I don't know what the future holds. I know that I might feel quite differently if I had children. I have been through tough economic times. We did without, but we made it through. I have been through unpleasant times, like the aftermath of Katrina, and made it through. I have seen good and bad government and made it through. Things have a way of balancing themselves over time. 

With all my heart, I believe the words to this precious hymn. 


Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.


T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.


Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.


The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.