It is probably a blessing in some ways that I was not familiar with the term "post traumatic stress" in my younger years. I really did not recognize any option after traumatic events except to just keep going. Breaking down simply was not an option. I had a education to get. I had a chronically ill mama. I had jobs to do that made me less dependent on my parents, who had medical bills and 3 in college at the same time. I kept going, but I never really returned to my previous normal. I certainly did not experience growth out of the circumstances.
Then, on Christmas morning, 1990, my mama did not wake up. She died that night in the ICU of the Vicksburg Hospital. My grief was absolutely crippling, complex, and I spiraled into a severe depression. As usual, I was prepared to just muscle on through. Thankfully, my truly concerned and savvy friends talked me into getting counseling. I didn't have to do it alone. Not this time.
With help, I was able to finally work through, not just my grief over my mother's death, but through multiple previous traumas as well. I got back to a semblance of normal, then a growth and joy beyond what I had ever really known. I took a huge chance and my first student loan, and, at 35, went back to school to get a second Master's Degree in counseling. I learned to stand up for myself against even well-meaning bullies. I got myself out of relationships that became one-sided and unhealthy. Later, I began to dabble in art, something I loved as a child, but was discouraged from as a teen.
Anything I go through now I consider a normal reaction to events that would cause anyone sadness or anger. Deaths, health issues, being wounded by loved ones are going to cause some understandable distress. As long as this is not prolonged or complicated, I consider this normal. I worked hard to learn how to feel my feelings, deal with my issues...
And keep growing.
