Bah Humbug?

 

I was messaging with a friend today and she said that she had some "Bah Humbug" going on, but she did not know why. That got me to thinking. 

This person has had a tough year with illnesses and surgeries. She's had a tough few years, actually, which reminded me that our tough things don't go away just because it's holiday time. If anything they can be intensified. 

TV, movies, and social media make the holidays seem magical. Families all get along. There is plenty of money for gifts. Food is abundant. When we continue with our daily struggles, be it in relationships, finances, health or whatever, it seems like we must be doing it wrong. 

I learned many years ago to try to roll with the punches at Christmas time. There are lousy years when you bury your father a week before Christmas, spend the day waiting outside ICU praying for your mama to make it through, or are so tired you just spend the day crying. Then, there are lovely years when your family is together, you found the perfect gifts, and your signature holiday dish turns out just like it is supposed to. You play the hand you are dealt that particular year. 

And if you feel "Bah Humbugish" that's OK too. 

Random Musings for November

 

I can't believe I didn't write anything in October. It was a crazy month, with chemo, having major plumbing work in my house that necessitated staying in a motel for several days, and despite my best efforts, getting a really nasty cold. 

November has flown by. I can't believe the month is nearly over already. I got a bonus week off of chemo, so I was able to attend a small Thanksgiving gathering and enjoy my meal. I was fading after a couple of hours, but it was good to see many of my family members, even for a short while. 

I have much to be thankful for this year, despite the dubious gift of colon cancer. I have both Medicare and Aetna insurance, so the bills, while significant, have not been crippling. I have had more offers of help from family and friends than I could possibly accept. I have a really good oncologist who listens to me and has adjusted my chemo to a tolerable level. I am able to have something akin to a normal life on the weeks between chemo. 

Bill's cancer continues to hold steady with monthly infusions of Opdivo and PET scans every 3 months. We are thankful that he feels good and is able to do the things he wants to do. 

I did find out that we are no longer eligible to donate our bodies to the University of Mississippi Medical Center since we both have metastatic cancers. I guess we will be cremated and scattered over some of our favorite places.

I feel really sorry for folks who are hung up on money and "things." Nothing else matters. I'm kind of partial to things like clean air and water, folks being able to afford healthcare, and affordable housing. How much money does one person really need? 

LSU is going to the SEC Championship game. I was not expecting ANYTHING out of my beloved team this year, but they have really surprised me. It's fun to watch LSU football again. 

Bill and I will be married 39 years on Saturday, November 26th. It seems like I was that nervous young bride just yesterday. It has not always been easy, but it has been worth it. I am just thankful that we are able to support each other during our respective cancer battles! 

Overall, life is good and I am thankful. 

Random Musings for September

September has been a busy month. Lots of doctor appointments and tests. Trying to help figure out music for my church while we are waiting for a permanent person.  A good friend had a birthday, but we have yet to celebrate because she finally got the dreaded 'Rona. 

I am so thankful for friends who have stepped up during my cancer journey. Everything from finding Greek yogurt, to bringing me six packs of Sprite, (which is the only thing that tastes good on chemo weeks), to sending food, which is appreciated, but often can't be eaten due to tummy issues associated with chemo, my surgery, and my food allergies. 

I've had to use the snooze button on my social media a good bit these days. I just don't have the energy for hate and negativity. It always disturbs me that people ,who profess to love Jesus, can be so horrible on social media. Hate just takes up too much energy that I don't have at the moment. I have even had to hide extended family members and that makes me sad. 

Another thing that I just can't wrap my head around is the short sightedness of people. People only look at right now. Gas prices have gone up and down for most of my almost 63 years. The stock market has gone up and down for most of my almost 63 years. That's life. Deal with it. 

Life isn't fair. I'm too tired to worry about people receiving anything they might not "deserve." I try to be happy instead of envious of people's good fortune. 

Ironically, as I was penning this post, a friend posted this on FB. 

https://sojo.net/articles/10-political-things-you-cant-do-while-following-jesus?fbclid=IwAR3IHll9FNT_fHQKfPS8X7xSVtnMmbUyvWTHp2m3LsrDCm6BetGyQvB7gLM

Road Tripvia

 

A few months ago, my husband and I were looking for something on YouTube when we stumbled on a channel that called itself "Road Tripvia." Since we both used to like playing Trivial Pursuit, we decided to check it out. We were promptly hooked and looked forward to our nightly dose of trivia. I guess it never hurts to try to stimulate the old brain cells at our ages. 

When I went into the hospital and ended up staying for 17 days, I began to get a bit stir crazy. My husband and I began making lists of subjects that could be written into trivia quizzes to be submitted to Road Tripvia. It definitely helped pass the time and I was delighted when my first submission "Southern Movie Trivia" was accepted and aired on the channel. During my recovery from surgery, writing a quiz containing songs with either black or blue in the title helped take my mind off waiting for biopsy results. And writing my most recent quiz, "Which William?", helped pass the time while I was getting my first rounds of chemo last week. I am honored that all 3 have been deemed appropriate and enough of a challenge for Road Tripvia. 

Now my only challenge is figuring out what my next Road Tripvia subject will be. 

Cancer

 

On June 29th, 2022, I was diagnosed with an aggressive colon cancer that is also in the liver and 7 of the 11 biopsied lymph nodes. I will admit, my heart stopped at the news. My routine 2019 colonoscopy was fine! I was good for another 5 years...or so I thought.

Cancer can, rarely, occur in the interval between colonoscopies. I apparently was one of the "lucky" ones.

Now I am facing chemo every two weeks for the next 6 months. I have had round one, and while not pleasant, it was tolerable. Eleven more to go.

One of the things I hate most is not being able to really plan for the future. I have heard that every round of chemo is more and more debilitating. I'm not sure how long I will be able to continue leading the music at my church. I will be nearing the end of my chemo right as Advent begins. Will I have anything left to give by then?

I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this. I joke that cancer was not on my 2022 Bingo card. But, I guess it is never on anyone's Bingo card. All I can do is take it one day at time with as much grace as I can muster.

Nurses

 

I have been in the hospital and had more surgeries than I want to count. All but my most recent were pre-Covid. I didn't worry about nursing care then as most of the hospitals I was in were fully staffed. 

This time was different. For the first week of my stay, there were no nurses aides. Those people who take the vitals, change the beds, bring ice, and help you to the restroom were conspicuously absent. 

 Thankfully, I had wonderful nurses. Although stretched thin, these folks really stepped up to the plate and got me through a major surgery. They juggled giving me potassium, calcium, antibiotics, and steroids like champs. All while having to do everything from starting yet another IV to emptying my trash! 

I took the names of all the nurses who tended to me so that I can praise them to the skies on the survey that should be coming in the mail soon. 

If you know a nurse, give him our her a hug today and tell them you appreciate them. They deserve it. 

Gifts

 I recently attended a ladies retreat at Camp Warner-Tully. When I was invited, I admit that I was hesitant. I have had some really bad experiences in group settings. I am OK with groups of family members, but I really prefer to deal with people one on one or in very small groups. However, I took a deep breath, set aside my hesitation and signed up. 

I was relieved to find that we would be seated at tables with only 4-5 people. I was able to form a connection with each person pretty quickly. One lady and I had a dear mutual friend in common. Another is the niece of an extended family member. Another went to church for years with my Daddy. 

The presentations were excellent and I found myself enjoying the day much more than I thought I would. The activities were eye opening. Sharing was encouraged, but not mandatory. 

At the end of the day, candles were lit on a makeshift altar to represent the 7 Spiritual Gifts: Wisdom, Understanding, Counsel, Fortitude, Knowledge, Piety, and Fear of the Lord. We were given candles and asked to go light our candle from the spiritual gift we felt we needed the most. I walked up, fully intending to stop at the "Fortitude" candle. However, I found myself guided to "Fear of the Lord." This gift had been described as the need to realize that God is in control and so we don't need to be. 

Yielding control is NOT an easy thing for me. Events of my childhood tend to make me more of a control freak than I might otherwise have been. I have many friends who are in difficulties right now and I am the type who wants to "fix" things. But, pondering on this gift has made me realize that I just can't fix everything. I need to let go and let God work. Hard to do, but necessary. 

All in all, it was a good experience and I plan to sign up for the next one in October. 

I'm looking forward to it. 

Take it Outside

 

I have to admit that I do not watch many movies these days and only peek at pix and clips from the Oscars to see the fashions and the odd acceptance speech. However, last night, my Facebook feed exploded with clips and accounts of Will Smith hauling off and slapping Chris Rock on stage. 

Now I also saw the deep hurt in the eyes of Jada Pinkett Smith while Will was originally laughing at the lame "GI Jane" joke. In an industry that prizes appearance to the exclusion of almost everything else, alopecia must be a really difficult thing to deal with. I can also empathize with Will's desire to defend his lady. 

Back in the day, these things were done in relative privacy. Men challenged each other to duels to be played out in remote places with only a second and maybe a doctor present. Or a meeting behind a local barn for a bout of fisticuffs might be suggested. At the very least, men would say to the offender "Let's take it outside." Will might have been better served to have a private word with Chris after the ceremony. As it is, I fear that he has diminished himself in the eyes of his fans. 

Next time, Will, take it outside. 

Theater Kids

 Back in the 1980's and the first part of the '90's, I participated in plays and musicals put on by the Vicksburg Theater Guild. I met a lot of great people while doing this. Sadly, many of the older actors have passed on now, but I have reconnected with many of the kids who did theater with me on FaceBook. 

A couple of them have passed on. It devastated me when Jeremy Ballard was killed in an automobile accident at 16. The latest one was recent when I heard that Adam Wong (Aaryn Harrison) had passed away in California. I remember Adam as a young teen and he was always funny and entertaining. 

Best of all, these young folks have grown up and are doing some really good things in the world. They are using many of the skills they learned while participating in theater productions. Life has handed several of them some very difficult situations, but they are hanging in there and not only surviving, but thriving. 

Deborah Neilson Tomai, Terry Wong, Kate Roselle, Brady McKellar, Jason McKellar, Kevin Jacks, Alicia Jacks,  Amy Boolos Jackson, Ashley Boolos Davidson, Laura Barnett Cagle, Craig Helmuth, (I'm sure I'm missing someone!) I just want you to know that I am proud of the people that you have become and are becoming. Even when looking at pictures of your children make me feel as old as Methuselah! 

*Giving you a standing ovation and a visual bouquet of roses.* 

Random Musings for February 2022

 I keep thinking things are going to calm down this year, but it seems like life just gets busier. 

I lost a longtime theater friend. Jim Shirley was the first person to cast me in a play at the Vicksburg Theater Guild. I had terrible stage fright at the time, but Jim took me in hand and convinced me that I could do theater. His shows were my favorites to both watch and participate in. We also had a small musical group that sang for tourists and other gatherings around town. As someone mentioned at his memorial service, we would tell Jim that something could not be done, but somehow, we usually managed to transform his vision into reality. VTG lost a lot of knowledge and experience when Jim passed away. 

My husband gave a presentation on Ray Lum for the Vicksburg Genealogical Society. I was allowed to attend because I'm able to hand him things and repeat questions that he might not have heard clearly. It was well attended and a lot of fun. 

The next day, on February 15th, Bill and I attended a concert event at the Bologna Performing Arts Center on the campus of Delta State University in Cleveland, MS. The theme was the "British Invasion" and it was so much fun. My normally reserved husband clapped and sang along, while also answering my repeated question "WHO SANG THAT??" I was 4 when the Beatles appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show and have no memory of this event. By the end of the show, at least half the audience was standing and dancing to the music. Considering that the audience was primarily comprised of people between the ages of 60 and 80, it was quite a night. I mentioned to Bill that most of the audience had some "snow on the roof" to which he replied:"Those who still HAVE a roof." My husband is usually quiet, but he can come up with some zingers. If you want to see this show, check out their website. They come to Jackson on May 10th. 

https://thebritishinvasionlive.com

Add the usual stuff like church, (I'm still leading music at Hawkins UMC), the many necessary doctor appointments, meetings, etc, and it has been busy. At least this is what constitutes busy for this "old lady!" 

Maybe March will be calmer? I'm not betting the farm on it. 

Random Musings for January 2022

 

Seriously, it hasn't been THAT bad, at least for me and my immediate family. The ones who have had COVID had about a week or so of misery, but have recovered. I'm still taking reasonable precautions as it takes me weeks to get over a simple cold. I think Omicron is going to hit its peak here soon, and begin a hopefully sharp decline. I know everyone is tired of it, but it has made several of my friends REALLY sick and miserable for weeks. 

My niece's husband bagged his first buck this month. Craig's father passed away when he was 4, so he never had anyone to take him hunting. His father-in-law and uncle by marriage began taking him hunting recently, and I think he has been thoroughly bitten by the "hunting bug." Especially now that he will have a skull mounted 9-point trophy on his wall. 

I am still leading the congregational singing at Hawkins United Methodist Church as a volunteer pending the finding and hiring of a new minister of music. Their longtime music minister retired the first of November. It's been fun, but I realize that I would not have the energy to take this on for keeps. I am having a good time just leading the singing on Sunday morning and getting some small groups together to sing as the choir is on hiatus due to COVID. Many of the church musicians are older, have health issues, and are also trying to avoid the virus. I am glad to keep doing what I am doing until they find the absolute right person for the job. 

I realized the other day just how much I miss proper grammar and spelling in today's world. When I hear supposedly educated professionals butchering the English language and see the spelling errors and poor grammar on social media, it saddens me. I don't always get things right myself, but at least I try to remember and put into practice the lessons taught to me by my excellent English teachers. 

I have made a bit of progress towards my goal of decluttering my home in 2022. Of course, I have been wanting to do this for years. But, like many, I get a fair amount of work done, only to get too busy with other things to continue weeding through memorabilia, art supplies, etc. 2022 is going to be my year to get this done. 

2022 can still be my year. 

I have hope.