I just got a call from my dad. He was upset because the cousin he asked to take the Christmas tree off my mom's grave in Hazlehurst called to report that there was no tree on her grave today. It's OK. My sis had gone down there and taken it off.
Then Dad proceeded to lecture me for not going to visit Mom's grave. First of all, let me say that Mom's grave is located a two hour round trip away. Most of the roads are two lane and winding. And, (anyone who knows me will understand why this is important ) there are not many bathrooms on the way! Dad and my sis have pretty much taken care of the site and that has been fine with me. I have no big need to visit my mom's grave.
I would rather spend my time doing things Mom would have done. Cooking for friends having a hard time. Tending the grave of my friend Elizabeth, who had no one. Singing at the local nursing home. Sending cards of encouragement. To me, these things seem more important than going and staring at a piece of stone that only marks where mortal remains are. My mother's spirit is not there.
I like to think that part of Mom's spirit is in me. And I don't need to drive two hours to find it.
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3 comments:
Oh my sweet friend!! Believe me, you honor your Mom's memory in the way you live your life each and every day. Those of us who know you are the beneficiaries of that. You can't tell me that this is less important than visiting a particular patch of ground.
Your mother's spirit lives on in you and is shared with others in everything you do for your friends and for strangers that you encounter along the way.
BIG ditto to what Q had to say, Karen!
Choosing whether to visit the graves of loved ones is a personal decision -- I know some do this regularly and need and want to do it, but others (like me) don't, for the same reasons you don't.
Finding the right way to honor those we've loved, struggled with and against, and lost is not a "one size fits all" deal.
Kudos to you for finding the way to honor your mother that DOES fit!
Dear, dear friend... both Q and El have put it so eloquently.
You live your life as an honoring of the lessons learned from your Mom.
hugs...
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