I am always seeing some variation of this saying on social media. I must admit that I am not sure exactly what it means and I am not sure that this is sound "advice." I am sure that most of us long for someone who will accept everything we are. I am not sure that this is a realistic concept.
There are things that I cannot change. I am a middle aged, Caucasian, Southern-born woman. That is cast in stone.
There are things I won't change. I won't renounce my belief in Jesus Christ. I am not going to cheat or steal for anyone. I am not voluntarily going to give up art or music. I am not going to start drinking. I am not going to stop supporting the causes I feel passionately about. I am not going to compromise myself to death. I am not going to stop smiling, laughing, and enjoying life.
However, what if there are things about ourselves that NEED changing? I have heard this expression (or variations thereof) said by alcoholic or abusive spouses many times. Or even possessive or emotionally abusive friends and family members. I have a feeling that this attitude is shared by many a lonely person.
I am me. But, is the spirit of compromise, the ability to agree to disagree, and the ability to refrain from habits or practices that might distress friends or loved ones when I am with them, changing my inner being? I am not talking about the things I absolutely won't change, but things like knowing that my husband loathes politics and had a very low tolerance for the talking heads on any of the news channels, I choose to get my news online so he doesn't have to be bothered by it blaring through the house. I choose to find a way to compromise so that we both get essentially what we want. I don't think any of this is changing my core being.
I don't call this changing myself. I call this respect.
Friday, April 10, 2015
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