Friday, June 08, 2007

Losing Weight

This is what I am not doing right now. I am maintaining. I am mindful of what I eat and I am journaling. But, due to numerous meds and medical conditions, I just don't seem to be able to get over the hump to get the calories down to what it would take for further loss. I have tried the high protein, low carb thing and just could not stay on it but 4 months. Then promptly gained the weight back after beginning to eat carbs again. I realize, that with a steroid and stimulant fueled appetite that I would weigh MUCH more if I were not at least trying to do something to take control.

I actually brought up the idea of lap band surgery at my primary care doc appointment today. He told me he would be OK with making a referral, but also told me that the chances of anyone touching my high risk self would be slim and none. I would literally be risking my life to be thin.

I am actually not that unhappy with myself. But my husband wants me thin. I see the way he looks at me when he sees me with a cookie or going back for a second helping of something. I can't even begin to remember when he paid me a compliment on any aspect of my appearance. And I want to lose the weight. For him. But, am I willing to die for his approval? Sometimes, I think I would be.

And that is sad.


2 comments:

SuziQoregon said...

Oh sweetie - with your health issues and meds, maintaining is a huge accomplishment. ((Karen))

Anonymous said...

(((Karen)))

Q is absolutely right, and shame on your DH for making you feel this way!

You continue to inspire me daily with your attitude and determination to live each day to the fullest.

Love ya lots!

Mel

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