Losing Weight

This is what I am not doing right now. I am maintaining. I am mindful of what I eat and I am journaling. But, due to numerous meds and medical conditions, I just don't seem to be able to get over the hump to get the calories down to what it would take for further loss. I have tried the high protein, low carb thing and just could not stay on it but 4 months. Then promptly gained the weight back after beginning to eat carbs again. I realize, that with a steroid and stimulant fueled appetite that I would weigh MUCH more if I were not at least trying to do something to take control.

I actually brought up the idea of lap band surgery at my primary care doc appointment today. He told me he would be OK with making a referral, but also told me that the chances of anyone touching my high risk self would be slim and none. I would literally be risking my life to be thin.

I am actually not that unhappy with myself. But my husband wants me thin. I see the way he looks at me when he sees me with a cookie or going back for a second helping of something. I can't even begin to remember when he paid me a compliment on any aspect of my appearance. And I want to lose the weight. For him. But, am I willing to die for his approval? Sometimes, I think I would be.

And that is sad.