My name is Karen. I am a counselor.
I try very hard NOT to be a counselor when I am with family, friends, or acquaintances. I have to admit, sometimes it is hard. When someone has a problem, there are still times when I want to swoop in there, clarify the problem and help find solutions. But, when I am not on the job, that is not my "job."
But, it is not always that easy. Ethically, I have to take any threats/thoughts of suicide or homicide seriously, whether the person is my client or not. This is in my code of ethics and I have no problem with this. And, if asked specifically for advice by a non-client, I will give it. It is not my job to give advice to clients.
However, I find that I DO use my skills in less obtrusive ways. Selective inattention is a counseling tool that I use to avoid reinforcing maladaptive behaviors. I seldom respond to fishing for compliments. I will not beg someone to come back after he or she has expressed a wish to leave my company. I don't excuse behavior that is "pseudo" thoughtless.
A quote I read once said: "Be chary of giving advice. Fools won't heed it, and wise men don't need it."
Words to live by.
Especially if one is a counselor.
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4 comments:
It's got to be tough for you at times to walk the fine line.
I like that 'selective inattention' - I've got a few people at work that I use that one with.
What is "pseudo" thoughtless? I googled and got your blog again - LOL~
ITA about compliment fishing. We all do it to a degree when we are expecially proud of a moment of special event, but it's the relentless fishing that causes me to withhold compliments that I would normally give.
Well, I'm mighty glad you're a counselor - think of the therapy bills I've saved!
But you are right, it must be incredibly difficult to walk that line between friend and counselor.
As for "selective inattention" - now that's a positive tool I need to add to my *BOUNDARIES* armory! Love it!
Loved the quote too btw!
Scoot, pseudo thoughtless is what I call people who do "thoughtless" things KNOWINGLY to get attention, start a fight, etc. I think everybody knows someone who pulls this kind of thing.
And that relentless compliment fishing is what I am talking about. Reinforcing THAT keeps a person from learning to believe in his or her own talents and instincts.
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