29 Years

Twenty-nine years ago, I stood in front of this mirror in Bill's aunt's house and, just for a moment, had a tinge of panic. Marriage? Forever? What was I getting myself into? 

Unlike so many these days, I really did not enter into marriage lightly or unadvisedly. I never thought of it as something I could get out of if I was unhappy or bored. 

When I married, I was 24, college was behind me (at least for the time being) and I had plans for the future. I was alone for about a year an a half between a previous relationship and Bill coming back into my life. 


That "alone" time turned out to be a really good thing for me. I had never been the kind of person who "needed" a man. Indeed, I feel sorry for people who "have" to be in a relationship. Who are afraid to be alone. Who allow their relationships to dictate who THEY are. I cringe when a couple tells me they "complete" each other. It takes two complete people to make a healthy relationship. My alone time gave time to think and decide what I really wanted out of a relationship. Honesty, trust, and respect were very high on my list. 

I am not saying that Bill and I have not had our ups and downs. We, like all married couples, certainly have. I wanted to call it quits when I lost my sense of self for awhile. But, we have learned to give each other space to pursue our individual passions. We have learned that we can be apart and still be "together." I love Bill, but I am not in this relationship because I "have" to have him. 

Like my psychology teacher once said "It takes two healthy "I's" to make a "We."

She was right.