Hurricane Party

As I was watching coverage of Hurricane Irene, this video came on CNN. Rather than submit to the uncertainties of shelter life, these feisty senior citizens chose to ride out the hurricane in their retirement apartment building.

I can't say that I blame them. As they pointed out, some of them had serious medical conditions that would make trying to sleep on cots difficult to impossible. And what about their medical equipment, special diets, etc?

It made me think about what I would do if faced with that choice. I might get down on one of those shelter cots. But it would take several people to get me UP. And if they had to do that every time I had to go to the bathroom, it would be a full time job!

Would I be able to hook up my biPap? I stop breathing at least once every minute and a half to two minutes without it and wake up in a total fog and with a terrible headache.

And would my medicines be safe? I take too many to carry around in my purse all the time. Especially if they were all in bottles. Not to mention epi-pens, inhalers, my nebulizer, my walker and my scooter. I am seriously high maintenance!

I have to admit, I would probably take my cue from those seniors and stay home.

And pray. A lot.

A Grace Moment

Tonight I had what I call a "grace moment." One of those times when, unexpectedly, a burden is lifted. A dreaded task does not have to be performed. A day does not have to be completely juggled and reconfigured.

I would have performed this task with all of the grace I could muster. But, I was concerned about how my body was going to hold up in the heat that is expected tomorrow. Not knowing how far I might have to walk and what assistive device I would need. Whether the chest pains that leave me slightly lightheaded and short of breath would plague me at an inopportune time. Sometimes, even with my limitations, I am "it." 

But now I can go to bed, hopefully to sleep. 

And say a prayer of thanksgiving for my "grace moment." 

Sapped

 

I have been in "extra" pain for almost 7 weeks now. I am in the process of being poked, prodded, and tested to find the source of the unrelenting chest pain. My heart has pretty much been cleared. This is good. But, I am still hurting.

I am no stranger to pain. I have been in varying degrees of discomfort/pain since I fractured my back in a bus crash at age 18 . I also have scoliosis and other back and neck issues. Chiropractic care helps me keep the pain at a manageable level for the most part. I take only an occasional OTC Aleve or Tylenol. 

But being at this level of pain is affecting both my energy and my creativity. My mind is so occupied with "keeping going" that I don't seem to have the energy left to be truly creative. And this lack of creativity is wearing on my spirit. 

I am sapped. 

CAPTCHA

This is the name of those codes that one must type in so that a site can make sure responses are generated by a real person. For most people, these are not hard to figure out and type in. 

But for someone like myself, who deals with bouts of double vision due to the the neuromuscular disease, myasthenia gravis, it can be impossible to read and reproduce these codes. Many of them contain letters that are slightly doubled to begin with. That means I see FOUR of the characters. Even when I greatly increase the size of the text, which I do for almost all webpages, I still can't figure them out. This affects my ability to do things ranging from commenting on a blog post, to making an online purchase. 

And yes, I have tried to use the audio version of these CAPTCHA codes. I have yet to be able to understand one of them. That robotic voice is as indecipherable to my ears as the letters are to my eyes!

There has to be a better way. 

Really.

Courtesy

Most of us were brought up to be courteous to friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. But how many of us extend this courtesy to the people who should count the most...our families.

I try very hard to do this. I say please and thank you. I return things I borrow. I take my turn and try to pull my weight as much as I am able. I return phone calls and text messages. I think my family deserves this as much as anyone else. I don't always succeed, but I do try.

Is it too much to ask for that same courtesy in return?

Jobs

Lately, it seems like every time I turn on the TV, I hear the word "jobs." As in shortage of them. I do not doubt that more jobs are needed.

But, sometimes I have to wonder about the people who are looking for jobs as well. I see people in doctors offices, restaurants, stores, and other businesses who say they are there to fill out a job application or have an interview. One young man came to fill out a job application without even bringing a pen! I loaned him one, but I could tell that he was not prepared to make a good impression. His pants were "sagging" and his shirt was stained. He looked like a nice young man, but I would not hire him. Dress as if the job is already yours.

And then there are the people who say they are trying to find work, but no effort is made to really look. When one is looking for a job, one needs to MAKE that his or her job. It takes time, patience, and persistence. When I was looking for work in college, I went into to stores even if they did not indicate they were hiring. More than once, I was able to persuade these folks to hire me.

And it is true that one is more likely to find a better job when one is already employed. Do something! An elderly friend of mine went for an interview with the highway department. He was told he was not qualified for the position. He replied "How much skill does it take to cut a bush?" This told his prospective employers that he was willing to start at the bottom and work his way up. He got the job.

Is the job you get going to be your dream job? Maybe not. But it can be a foot in the door. And don't be afraid to try something new. Who knows? It might be the start of something big!

Project Runway

The new season has begun and most of these designers are fabulous!

And yes, I have already picked my favorite.  Bert Keeter won the challenge today, but I liked him from what I saw of him on the audition special before the season premiere. He was open and honest about what losing his partner and best friends to AIDS did to him. How he turned to alcohol to deal with his feelings and how he has worked to stay sober.

I was surprised at the pain his story brought up for me. I lost a number of friends to AIDS back in the 90's. Just as painful as the losses were the hateful and judgmental attitudes shown towards my friends, and towards me for supporting them. There were times when I was almost ashamed to call myself a Christian. I couldn't picture Jesus saying the things I heard from people who claimed to follow Him.

But, back to the present. Bert's winning design, made from orange checked boxer shorts and a bedsheet was spectacular. I hope he stays sober, finds love again, and wins Project Runway.

Heart to Heart

As my Monday afternoon cardiology appointment draws near, I find myself getting a bit anxious. Not panicky, just a bit unsettled.

I don't know which is worse. Being afraid that it *is* my heart, or being embarrassed if it turns out to be a very expensive case of indigestion. I know I will feel better when I know one way or another. I have just been dismissed and ridiculed before concerning my (very real) health issues and the scars remain. And although people mean well when they say "don't worry", "put it in GOD'S hands" (imagine the stentorian tones here), or "it will be all right", it does more harm than good. Sometimes I need to hear "It's OK to be scared."

But, having buried my mother, grandfather, and an aunt all at age 57 of heart disease, I suppose I would rather be safe than sorry.

30 Day Song Challenge (Finally) Continued

Somewhere on the way to finishing blogging about my 30 day song challenge, I got lost in a sea of the stuff of life. But, finally, I have a breather, so without further ado...

Day 16: A good song that does get a little repetitive: Two out of Three Aint Bad Meatloaf 1977

Day 17: A song from your childhood: "Goin’ to the Chapel The Dixie Cups 1964." I actually had the 45 to this. I was only 5, but I sang this tune constantly. I can still remember all the words.

Day 18: The Greatest Guitar Work you have ever heard: Smooth Santana/Rob Thomas 1999. People may argue this one with me, but this song makes me want to dance! Even with my two left feet. :)

Day 19: An Exceptionally Sad Song "My Immortal" Evanescence 2003. Sad, but beautifully sung by Amy Lee. 

Day 20: A song by an artist no longer living: "Fields of Gold" Eva Cassidy 1993/1996. The early death of Eva Cassidy was a tragedy for the world of music. Fortunately, she left us a legacy of wonderful tunes like this cover of Sting's FOG. I first heard this version when Michelle Kwan skated to it, and instantly fell in love. 

Day 21: A song with a great bass rhythm: Under Pressure Queen 1981. Queen is and remains one of my favorite all time bands. 

Day 22: A song you can deeply relate to: "The World I Know" Collective Soul. 1995. The "Bird" video. Need I say more?

Day 23: A song you can play over and over and not get sick of: "Iris" Goo Goo Dolls 1998. This song was on the "City of Angels" soundtrack. One of my favorite songs and soundtracks ever. 

Day 24: A song played at a memorable event in your life: "Colour My World Chicago 1970." My band director sang this at a bandcamp dance. It was my first time to be away from home for an entire week and the first time I was really noticed by BOYS. 

Day 25: A song you don’t understand: "Winter" Tori Amos 1992. Yet another song skated to by my all time favorite skater, Michelle Kwan. Tori Amos is somewhat cryptic to say the least, but the song is lovely.

Day 26: The Best Rock Song You’ve Ever Heard: "Livin’ on a Prayer" Bon Jovi 1986. This was a toughie, but I finally had to give a nod to the amazingly gorgeous Jon Bon Jovi. 

Day 27: A song that forces you to reminisce: "Hopelessly Devoted to You" Olivia Newton John 1978. 'Grease' came out the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college. It stayed at our little movie house all summer and my boyfriend at the time and I saw it so many times I lost count. 

Day 28: A Song that gives you shivers: "Who Wants to Live Forever" Queen 1986. Eerily foreshadowing of the untimely death of Freddie Mercury. This song also reminds me of the many friends I lost to AIDS. 

Day 29: A Song that Helps You Live: "With a Little Help from my Friends" Joe Cocker 1967. What would I do without them?

Day 30: My Favorite Song: "Mad World" Adam Lambert 2009. I don't know exactly why this song touches me like it does, but since I heard it performed on American Idol, it has been my favorite "popular" song. Sometimes it really is quite a "mad world." Yet, we prevail. 

Betty Ford

I think the title of my blog sums up her style quite well! I can remember when people did not say the word " cancer" out loud. People would whisper that someone had "c."

And getting treatment for alcoholism, at least in the South, would have been covered up or shrouded in secrecy. I never knew my own grandfather had been in treatment back in the fifties until after my grandmothers death less than ten years ago.

God bless Betty Ford. May she rest in peace.

And thanks for saying it out loud.

Weary

After two days of more than usual activity, I woke up this morning already weary. But, it is more than the physical tiredness. I am weary to the soul. So many of my friends and family are going through tough times. My nature is such that I "go through" these times with them on both physical and emotional levels. And 99% of the time, I would not have it any other way.

I have a list of people I need to call and check on and things I need to do. But today I am having trouble mustering up the energy to do any of these things. I am so exhausted that a just getting in the shower seems to be a Herculean task.

This is a time when I am going to have to disengage for just a bit, find some ways to refresh and renew my own strength, and get some rest.

I just have to do it.

Sold in Jackson!

This is "Summer Trees", my first painting to sell at Fondren Art Gallery in Jackson, MS.

I feel like a little kid at Christmas! It is such an affirmation to have my work sold in another city. Admittedly, Jackson is still a small pond to many, but it is an awfully big pond to me. After all, I have only been watercoloring for 2 1/2 years myself.


I am still sort of dazed by what this has all become. My work is in 2 shops. I am invited to be a part of a festival in December where I will show and sell my work. I speak to groups about watercolor and where it has taken me. Best of all, I am privileged to teach 3 watercolor classes at Vicksburg Senior Center and one at Redwood Elementary School.

I just wonder where watercolor is going to take me next?
I can't wait!

30 Day Song Challenge Part 1

For the month of April, I participated in a 30 day song challenge. It was both fun and thought provoking. For this challenge, I restricted my answers to popular music.

Day 1: Current Favorite Song: "Mad World" as performed by Adam Lambert on American Idol. 1982/2008

Day 2: A Song That Always Calms Me Down: "Vincent" by Don McLean. I also like the Josh Groban cover. 1971

Day 3: A Song I Like That Nobody Else Seems To: "Beautiful Heartache" by Oksana Grigorieva. Her troubles with Mel Gibson aside, she really does have talent. 2009

Day 4:  A Song That Uses Weird Noises Well: "The Marvelous Toy" by Peter, Paul, and Mary. 1969

Day 5: A Song You Believe Has Great Lyrics: "Inside Out" by Eve 6. 1998 Who can resist the line "You put my tender heart in a blender?"

Day 6: A Song You Would Like Played At Your Funeral: "Please Don't Bury Me" by John Prine. I say this tongue in cheek, but this is exactly the way I feel. 1973

Day 7: A Song That Gets Your Heart Racing: "The Way" by Fastball. 1998

Day 8: The Song That Changed Your Mind About Music: "One of Us" by Joan Osborn 1995. Actually, this song changed my mind about 90's music and opened me up to Alanis Morrissette, Leah Andreone, and Shawn Colvin.

Day 9: A Song By a Band You Stopped Listening To, But Started Again: "Pink" by Aerosmith. 1998 I had just kind of drifted away from Aerosmith, but this song caught my fancy and brought me back.

Day 10: A Classic Song Everyone Seems To Like But You: "Heart of Gold" by Neil Young. 1971 I just never have liked him.

Day 11: The Best Love Song You Have Ever Heard: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" as performed by David Cook on American Idol. 1969/2008

Day 12: A Song That Ends Too Quickly: "Tequila Sunrise" by The Eagles, 1973.

Day 13: A Song With A Great Drum Rhythm: "Wild Nights" by John Mellencamp, 1971/1994.

Day 14: A Song By Your Favorite Singer: "Little Jeannie" by Elton John, 1980. I don't know that I can pick ONE favorite singer, but Elton John is certainly one of them. And for some reason this song just makes me happy.

Day 15: The Craziest Song You Ever Heard: "Forest Lawn" by John Denver 1970/1975. The first time I heard this song, I howled.

I am going to end this post with Day 15. Things that surprised me to this point about my choices is that most of them are either from the 70's or 90's. Some things have been covered by current artists, but I seem to have an affinity for those periods. I could tell I was considerably older than most people participating in the challenge. But, I don't seem to be totally stuck in the music of my teens, for which I am thankful.

The Flood of 2011

When I was a teen, there was a song about the Lord telling Noah there was going to be a "floody floody" and to get those animals out of the "muddy, muddy." It was a fun song with hand motions and clapping.

Well, here in Vicksburg, there is going to be a floody, floody for sure. Projected to be one of the worst in our history, this flood is creating headaches for businesses, homeowners, schools, and yes, animals.

The children in this picture, my watercolor students from Redwood Elementary School, have had to evacuate their school due to the rising water. We are praying a hastily built levee will keep the damage to the school building to a minimum.

The local humane society has been called on to house all kinds of animals that they normally don't. Chickens, goats, and cows are now being sheltered there. Not to mention the housepets that owners have not been able to take with them to temporary lodgings.

Businesses that are flooding are having to shut down and employees are out of work. Those that are staying open face increasingly hazardous working conditions. There are some that may not be able to recover.

Many of the people now being flooded were still trying to rebuild after last years tornado. As one of my friends said today about the children from Redwood School, "Many of these babies don't have much on a good day. What are they going to do now?"

But, Vicksburg is a resilient city. They have survived war, pestilence, floods, and tornadoes. The people of this city will work together, help each other out, and we will survive the flood of 2011.

Peace, Perhaps?

It looks like we are going to have a peaceful night tonight after two nights of storms. I am ready for a nights' sleep in my bed, with my biPap. Sitting up on the couch so I can sleep and breathe at the same time while being constantly awakened by thunder, wind, and lightning gets old fast. 

I can't remember having this many severe storms in less than a month, ever. And certainly not having this many, this close to me and the people I care about.

Hoping and praying that tomorrow is a much better day for the many who are trying to put their lives back together after tragic, weather related events. 

Goodnight.

Sadness Overload

These past few days have been a time of what I call "sadness overload." Another church friend passed away last week. This on top of still mourning the loss of my friend, Joyalene.

Then a tornado mowed down Clinton, MS. Six of the people I love most on the planet (including my sister and her family) live in Clinton and there were several anxious hours while I was unable to get confirmation that they were all safe. Thankfully, they are all OK. But much of the city is trashed and there is much cleanup and rebuilding to be done.

Later Friday, a massive apartment fire in Vicksburg made 11 more families homeless. This on top of another fire in a neighboring subdivision last week.

Saturday was a funeral for a young solider from Brandon. The peace and solemnity of this occasion was threatened by the presence of the Westboro Baptist Church. Thousands of citizens showed up in force, bearing American flags to shield the family. Fortunately, the church members got themselves arrested for trespassing before the funeral began and spent their protest time locked up.

And, for the kicker, a family member lost his job.

I guess I feel particularly helpless right now because I am not in a physical or financial position to help much. This frustrates me to no end.

Praying for all affected by the tragedies of the past week.

Hoping this one will be better.

There for You

Years ago, a group called "The Rembrandts" sang a song (also known as the theme song from "Friends") called "I'll Be There for You." Nice song. Catchy tune.

I am blessed with a lot of friends. Some of them are face to face, everyday friends, some live in other states, and some are friends I have never met anywhere but the internet.



As wonderful as the idea of being able to "be there" for all my friends, all the time is, I realize that this is impossible. Heaven knows, I used to try!

The best I can do now is pray that I can be in the right spot for the right friend at the right moment. I have to trust God to arrange that.

And He will.

Taking Stock

As April is almost upon us, I decided to go back and take stock of how I was doing with my 2011 "To-do" list. I have not done everything on the list, but I am making progress. 

#1 was to eat at The Lady and Sons in Savannah, GA for my friend Teresa's 50th birthday. Since her birthday is not until November, I obviously have not done that yet. 

#2 was to make another CD of Christian music. So far, asthma, myasthenia gravis, and reflux have conspired against this. But I am still hopeful of doing that this year!

#3 was to do one or more watercolor demonstrations at "The Cricket Box." I did do this in February and had a great time!

#4 was to find some new recipes utilizing the things I CAN eat. I have created a couple of nice recipes that help bring variety to my limited diet. 

#5 was to learn 10 new 7 letter words. I have learned about 4 so far and plan to keep on learning!

#6 was to increase my charitable giving. I am working on increasing my customary 10% to 15% and am succeeding with that most of the time.

So far, I am making progress. One step at a time.

Via Dolorosa

***Whine Alert***



I have been singing the Via Dolorosa at my church for the past 22 years. It is a special song to me and it means a lot for me to be able to witness once a year to my church family through this song.

Last year, I was not sure if I would be able to sing it. We had a new preacher and it was subject to his approval. Fortunately, he was OK with it, and I sang the song during Lent, as usual.

This year, I still do not know whether I will be able to sing it or not. I asked about it weeks ago, and still have no answer other than we may can "work it in."

I don't know how to feel. Despite some recent vocal problems, I think I still sound OK. I have given up the idea of even asking to sing more than one time a year. I am looking into opportunities to sing other places just so I can keep my voice in shape.

 I can't believe God would give me this gift and not want me to use it. Singing is what I do. It is what I have always done. It is a huge part of who I am.

So, I pray for my sore heart to mend and for guidance as to what I need to do to keep this gift in good condition so that I can sing to His glory.

Miz Oakes

This morning, I received an email informing me of the sudden passing this morning of my friend Joyalene.

I first met Joyalene when I was in handbell choir at church with her teenage son. But, we bonded some time later, after her husband left her, and filed for divorce. At the time, I was opening the church for morning prayer. Joyalene was having a very difficult time, and sometimes we would pray and cry together. She was of an age to be my mother, so I would call her "Miz" Oakes. Then she would mock glare at me and tell me to call her Joyalene. It became a running joke.

Even during life's difficulties, Joyalene was funny. She could crack me up with one look. And when she opened her mouth! Sometimes I would be sore from laughing so hard.

Joyalene loved her friends and family deeply. She was always supportive of me. I think she believed I could do anything.

"Miz Oakes", you will be missed.

Deeply.