Reading

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When I saw this I had to laugh. It is so like me.

When I was a kid, my mom had fits trying to get my nose out of books and into doing my chores. I read with a flashlight under the covers and sitting on the floor of the bathroom late at night because I could not turn on the lamp in the room I shared with my sister.

As I have gotten older, I have more trouble focusing to read. I can't listen to audio books because I fall asleep! So it is pretty rare that I get something I cannot put down these days. The exception to this has been Diana Gabaldon's "Outlander" series. It has time travel, romance, and Scotland. I can't ask for much more than that.

Excerpts and more information can be found here.

http://www.its.caltech.edu/~gatti/gabaldon/gabaldon.html

These books are rather massive, but totally worth the effort.

I am on the last pages of the last one and I hate for it to end.

Le meas!

Little Things

I am sometimes amazed at how important relatively small things are to my day to day life with myasthenia.

For example, most people take going to the grocery store for granted. Get in car, drive to store, park, buy groceries, unload and put away groceries.

Simple, right?

This morning, most of the stars and planets aligned to where I was able to shop for groceries for the first time in weeks. I pulled into Kroger, where all of the handicapped spaces were either taken or clogged with buggies. I circled until I found a another spot that was still within walking distance for me.

First objective accomplished!

Now for the really tricky part. Could I get the one functioning Sit and Shop buggy? They have four, but three have been out of order for weeks.

Got it! Scooooooore! And it was even charged enough to get me through the store!

To the checkout stand with my items. Nothing open but the self-serve lane. This makes the job a bit harder. Fortunately, the clerk saw me struggling and this one actually helped me wrangle my groceries across the scanner and into the flimsy plastic bags.

Take the buggy out to the car and, because I had to park out of the disabled zone, I was not able to get close to the back seat where I put my groceries because my scooter is riding in the back.

Park buggy, manhandle groceries into the car. See my dad walking across the parking lot and roll down my window to chat for a minute.

Groceries loaded. Check!

Home, where I take the bags of perishables in first. Put them in fridge. Some stuff needs to be packaged for freezing, but it will wait.

Rest for half an hour.

Get rest of bags out of car. Bring in.

Rest for another half hour.

Put away the rest of the groceries.

Rest some more!

My little scooter is nice, but mine does not have a basket and even if it did, it would hold precious few groceries.

If I had not been able to get that parking spot or the buggy, my shopping would have had to wait yet another day.

We have a new Kroger opening up soon. It is supposed to have more handicapped parking and twenty Sit and Shop buggies are on order.

I 'm counting the days!

Olympics

My name is Karen and I am an Olympic-aholic.

There. I said it.

I get totally jazzed about the Olympics. I love the opening ceremonies (The Chinese did an amazing job with this), the glimpses into the host country's culture, and, of course, the events!

The highlights so far have been the male swimmers winning the relay after being taunted by the French team and our young gymnastics team winning a bronze medal, despite losing their two best gymnasts prior to the games.

So, I will continue to watch and be amazed at the feats of strength, agility, and endurance.

Olympic-aholic?

You betcha!

Where does the time go?

Scooter

Today, I took the plunge and ordered myself a new red scooter. My old one still works, but I can't fly with it and it is hard to take apart. My new one will be this spiffy model.

I still can't pick up the heaviest piece by myself, but my darling husband will be able to while we are on our trip. When we get home, I will have a tow bar attached so that I can use it with my lift.

I figure I can buzz around Powell Books and OMSI just fine this with baby.

For many, my scooter would be viewed as a negative thing.

But for me, it is freedom!

Trip

Today it really hit me.

In less than a month, my husband and I will be taking our first trip to the Pacific Northwest. We will fly to Portland, Oregon on September 2. This will be our slightly early 25th anniversary celebration. I do not want to be anywhere north of the Mason-Dixon line on our actual anniversary, November 26th. In Portland, we hope to hook up with one of my friends and get her to take us to Powell Books http://www.powells.com/. I know that we will have to twist her arm something fierce to get her to agree to this! ;P

From Portland, we plan to take AmTrak to Seattle, rent a car, and head up to Mt. Vernon, WA. There, we will take shameless advantage of a friend who has offered to take us sightseeing into Canada.

A return to Seattle will find us looking up yet another friend who will hopefully be able to spend some time with us if the busy social calendars of her young children can be worked around. ;)

My pink and black polka dotted suitcase came in the mail today. Yes, I am serious!

I am ready!

Funeral

I usually don't have much trouble going to funerals. I am thankful for the chance to pay my last respects to friends and loved ones who have lived a good life.

But I am dragging my feet about going to one that will take place in the morning. It is for the infant twin daughters of my sweet, precious fellow church member and chiropractor. One of these babies was stillborn and the other died at 6 days. The idea of losing not one, but two babies in 6 days is just beyond my comprehension. There are no comforting words or thoughts for this situation.

Just the thought of walking into that funeral home brings me to tears. But, I will put on my big girl pants and be there for this family.

But I am taking plenty of Kleenex.

Boundaries

Anyone who knows me very well, knows that I preach the importance of boundaries. As a child, I grew up with few boundaries. As a young adult, my lack of healthy boundaries eventually lead to a severe bout of depression.

I have worked very hard to develop and maintain healthy boundaries since then. Most of the time, I do pretty well.

As you regular readers know, I am having trouble with vocal nodes and a new bout of bronchitis. These have necessitated establishing some very strict boundaries about using my voice, particularly on the telephone.

But, there are always people who just have to see if I am going to stretch my boundaries just for THEM. When I am in a period of enforced silence, I usually post on my message board, and send e-mails to my friends telling them that I am not answering my phone and am using a whiteboard to communicate with people face to face.

The only exception to this rule is if one of the 'rents calls twice in a row. Then I know that it is an emergency worthy of risking the future of my singing voice for.

When I can talk at will, I will let the world know.

So, till then, shhhhhhhh!

Bronchitis, Round 2

Sheesh!

Went to the doc yesterday and have been diagnosed with bronchitis for the second time in 4 months. Needless to say, I am not particularly pleased with this! My throat is sore and I am a bit hoarse. I am hoping that this does not set my recovery from vocal nodes back too far.

So, I am back to silence.

At least I still have my trusty Magnadoodle.

MammaMia!

OK, despite the ratings, I bit and went to see MammaMia! with my friend Sharon. I have never been the biggest ABBA fan, but this movie just sounded light and fun. And after this last week, Sharon and I decided that a mindless movie was just what we needed.

Yes, the plot was paper thin and full of holes, but this is fairly typical of musicals. It was painfully obvious that, despite being adorable, Pierce Brosnan is no singer. But, the costumes were great, the scenery, breathtaking, and Meryl Streep was her usual amazing self.

What tickled me was the audience demographics. I expected mostly ladies between 40 and 60. But there were quite a few 70 and 80 year old's there as well. And everyone came out smiling.

Ratings, schmatings! People coming out of a movie smiling and singing?

I call that a success!

1-800-CALL-VIK

1-800-CALL-VIK.

Vik is the person that fortunate computer owners have in their lives. The computer whiz who will take frantic phones calls for help when I have questions about how to do something, or have managed to screw up my system somehow. I know that I am not the only person who makes these frantic phone calls to him, but he always answers in that calm, reassuring voice and I know that he is going to make everything OK.

Vik is living on borrowed time. He has heart problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, neuropathy, and other health issues. He deals with the stepfamily issues that would have had the average man leaving long ago. But, thankfully, VIk is not the average man. He moves through life with a gentleness and a sweetness that belies his circumstances.

We need more Viks in this world.

Today

One thing nice about a new day is that it is like a clean slate. It gives us the chance to start ovcr and try to do better.

Good sleep is so healing. Kind of like a band-aid for the soul.

So, to today! :)

I Said it Out Loud

Oh my.

I am usually a tactful person. At least I try to be. I try to think before I speak.

But today, exhausted from no sleep and effects of yesterday's anesthesia, I put my foot in it. I am not saying that what I accidentally said was not true. But this person makes everyone around her pay for any slight, real or perceived. It was not a deliberately thought out barb, just a truth that should have stayed in my mouth.

So, I pray for the wisdom to keep my mouth closed if I am not with it enough to temper what might come out of it!

Not Too Bad!

Had my EGD today and was pleasantly surprised! With the help of oxygen and having the head of my bed elevated, I got through with no breathing trouble. :)

And best of all, with whatever combination of drugs they gave me, I don't remember a thing!

Now, I just wait on the pathology report, but the doc does not expect any problems.

#6...over

Priceless!

Testing 123

No, not THAT kind of testing!

I wish!

Tomorrow morning I am having what is known as an Esophagogastroduodenoscopy
or EGD for short.

I am a veteran of this test, but that does NOT mean that I like it. Many people are fortunate enough to be "out" enough not to remember this test at all. Unfortunately I am not one of them. Because of my myasthenia, my doc is stingy with the good drugs and I have long lasting memories of swallowing what seems like a garden hose. Ewwwwwwwwwww!

But, I am more tired of the pain I have been in almost constantly at this point, so I am biting the bullet and having EGD #6. Yes, you read that right, #6! Sheesh!

This doc and I have done one of these together already and I did not stop breathing (like I did during the one before that...funny how freaked out doctors get when one stops breathing!) so I think this will be OK.

I will be glad, however, when tomorrow comes and this one is over.

Garden hose, anyone?

Church

I went to church again this morning. I avoided it while I was under orders not to speak at all. Just too hard to write down answers to the inevitable questions on my whiteboard or my trusty Magnadoodle.

I have found a place to sit where I don't feel too conspicuous about not singing the hymns. It still does not "feel" right. My "seat" is in the choir! And someone ELSE is sittin' in it!

I saw my choir director's face fall when I told her it was going to be at least 3 more months before I could think about singing. I held on to my friend Sharon as she wept, missing her mother afresh after speaking to one of her mother's oldest friends.

There are some upsides to not being in choir. I actually get to visit with people. Usually, by the time I get my robe off and my folder put away, everyone is gone. I get to sit near the piano so I can watch our accompanist's hands as she makes incredible music. It is MUCH cooler not to have to wear a choir robe under spotlights in Mississippi in July.

So, I continue to carve out a temporary "place" for myself in church.

But come October, I'm takin' MY seat back!

49 is Coming

We celebrated my friend Sharon's 49th birthday today. My other friend Sharon and I had lunch for her at my house. I reassured myself that I could still put a really nice meal on the table by cooking chicken almondine. Sharon brought roses and a party hat, and with a bit of cake, we were set.

Of our little group of friends, three of us are within months of being the same age. Chip turned 49 first. Sharon will officially turn 49 this weekend, and I will turn 49 in October.

Now I have been known to pull a few pranks on certain milestone birthdays in the past. I managed to avoid paybacks for the most part on my 40th by having surgery a few days before my birthday. People were nicer than normal because I looked rather pitiful with my throat swathed in bandages.

But, 50 is coming up and there have been hints that there will be paybacks for anything I do to THEM when MY time comes around.

Will I do unto them anyway???

Stay tuned!

The Package

While going through my piles of stuff in my office, I came across a couple of songbooks from the local Jewish temple. I used to sing for them at times when my friend Elizabeth Ann was alive, so I was not really surprised to find them. However, the dilemma came when I was trying to figure out how to return them.

Like many temples in relatively small towns, the one here has no Rabbi. There is no official staff or anyone to contact. So, I decided to wrap them up and leave them at the door this afternoon in hopes that a member of the tiny congregation would find them tonight.

Since we have been having regular afternoon cloudbursts, my first thought was to wrap them in a plastic bag. I did not have a clear bag large enough to hold them and when I put them in a white bag, I was afraid that the package looked suspicious. This is something that would never have crossed my mind before 9/11! I pondered for a bit as to how to wrap these books in a way that was non threatening, but would keep them relatively protected. So, I looked around and found a bag that my friend Elizabeth would have approved of. It was a small shopping bag from Marshall Fields.

So, the books are stylishly hanging on the Temple door.

May they find their way home tonight.

Thinking Positive

After a few days of wallowing, I am trying really hard to get my positive attitude back. Even with MG, concern over aging parents & temporary loss of singing voice, I do realize how blessed I am in the grand scheme of things.

A positive attitude is something I have to kind of "fake until I make" sometimes. I can't change any of the above situations, but having the worst possible outlook does not help anything.

Wouldn't it be nice if positive attitude could be bottled and sold at Wal-Mart?

Wonder how many people would buy it?

Month 3

I am into my third month without being able to sing. I have done pretty well until now with just trying to get my speaking voice back.

But now I want to sing. This morning, I was listening to that New Christy Minstrel's song "Today." I wanted to sing so bad that I nearly cried. Not talking was easier than not singing.

I have faith that my singing voice will return. I have tried looking at this as a gift. I have tried looking at it as a nice rest. But, my heart is not buying it. When my niece starts singing and I can't harmonize, or I can't sing at the funeral of one of my dear elderly friends, the pain, though emotional, is almost physical.

I am sure there are lessons to be learned. But today, I don't want to learn.

I want to sing.